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While animal-rights protestors decry the inhumane conditions on factory farms, the cruel treatment of poultry at assembly-line eateries like Radio Perfecto goes generally unnoticed. Until now: Dry breast meat, uncrackling skin, and the absence of anything resembling flavor are not flame-roasted chicken—they’re a virtual war crime (not to mention the alleged specialty of the house). You could try to ignore the tragedy with a plate of nachos, but even your sloppily mixed margarita won’t wash away the tin-can taste of the guacamole. Ordering the hanger steak just punishes yet another innocent species—Homo famelicus, the hungry human being. Someone call the SPCA. — Matt Gross