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Who Says Evil Albinos Are Such Bad Role Models?

The Da Vinci Code not only marks the big-screen return of mullets but also of an age-old Hollywood stereotype, the evil albino—much to the ire of the National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation (NOAH). Last we checked, though, bad and badass weren’t mutually exclusive. Below, our favorite albino villains.

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Matthias, Zachary, and Lisa (members of “the Family”)


Movie
The Omega Man (1971)
Evil-O-Meter
3 out of 10
Plot Function
Biological warfare kills off all but the Family, who set out to make a new world without machines or Charlton Heston.
Evil Deeds
General Philistinism—book-burning! And catapulting fireballs at Heston’s home.
Weakness
Sunlight, stadium lights, cunning, bullets . . . but they still win in the end.
Cause for Albino Pride
Raucous good humor: The Family makes this postapocalypse one giant frat party, cavorting in Grim Reaper robes and singing in the streets. Plus, Matthias—who’s against oil and dubious medical research—could be electable on a third-party ticket. Though he also opposes fornication.

Über-Morlock (Jeremy Irons)


Movie
The Time Machine (2002)
Evil-O-Meter
5
Plot Function
Ruler of the Morlocks, a subterranean species that terrorizes the peaceful cliff-dwelling Eloi, who’ve rescued time-traveler Guy Pearce.
Evil Deeds
Breeds his people into castes, with him on top. Uses Eloi for procreation—and food.
Weakness
Sunlight.
Cause for Albino Pride
The ruling class in 802,701, they get to live in this wicked stone castle shaped like a monstrous head (it even roars). And Über’s so smart his brain runs down his back (we didn’t say he was attractive).

The Twins (Adrian and Neil Rayment)


Movie
Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Evil-O-Meter
8
Plot Function
Charged with re-enslaving the Matrix’s Keymaker before he gets back to the real world.
Evil Deeds
Slash Trinity’s arm, try to kill Neo and Morpheus.
Weakness
None, really. They die, it seems, when the Wachowskis, like typical gamers, tire of them. Cause for Albino Pride
A debonair duo. Turn selves into holograms during fights to avoid damage. Can self-repair. Have one great line: “[Sigh] We are getting aggravated.” “Yes we are.” Most important, able to pull off all-white suits and blond-man dreads (no small feat) with suave precision.

Mr. Joshua (Gary Busey)


Movie
Lethal Weapon (1987)
Evil-O-Meter
8
Plot Function
Danny Glover and Mel Gibson uncover a massive heroin-smuggling operation run by “the Captain” and his “albino jackrabbit sonuvabitch” henchman.
Evil Deeds
Shoots a bereaved father from a helicopter and Gibson from a car.
Weakness
Uppercut to the jaw, but ultimately, a bullet.
Cause for Albino Pride
A quick thinker with an uncanny ability to find people wherever they may lie (and, alas, kill them). High threshold for pain (can hold lighter to arm for over a minute). Excellent driver while going the wrong way in traffic, even when car is on fire and being crushed by a metal pole.

Bosie (Charlie Hunnam)

Movie
Cold Mountain (2003)
Evil-O-Meter
10
Plot Function
He’s a redneck vigilante who massacres North Carolina mountain farmers for “harboring” Civil War deserters.
Evil Deeds
Stabs a farmer through the chest. Tortures a farmer’s wife by walking on her hands.
Weakness
Youthful overconfidence.
Cause for Albino Pride
Um, those impressive acrobatic flips he does before shooting children? Okay, in fact, NOAH’s totally right on this one. Dude can’t even play “Dueling Banjos.”


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