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18. Because Madonna's Back to Distract Us

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Earlier this year, we were a little exhausted by Madonna. And the feeling was mutual. In March, she yawned to Vanity Fair about how New York “doesn’t feel alive” anymore. Later she said the quote was taken out of context, yet it didn’t help dispel an impression we’d been developing about the vaguely British-accented pop star: deserter.

But then she redeemed herself—by returning home just in time to become one of the most sensational tabloid stories of the year. Her marriage to Guy Ritchie was disintegrating, a sad turn of events that seemed to have some bearing on the marital woes of Yankee Alex Rodriguez.

In addition to swiftly settling her divorce, Madonna brought suit against her Central Park West co-op board, which then allowed her to add to her spacious duplex. Rodriguez put his old Park Avenue apartment on the market, and now he’s looking for a space in Her Madgesty’s neighborhood (or maybe even her apartment). Still the couple insists they are “just friends.” We predict this Brangelina-style absurdity will continue well into 2009—and thank goodness. It’s just the tabloid diversion we need in such gloomy-news times. We can already see how this will play out: First come the imaginary baby bumps, then the botched Dominican adoption, then the unicef ambassadorships. After that they both get cornrows, A-Rod appears in one of her videos, and before you know it, they’re both wearing burkas to the Grammys. In blackface. We can’t wait!


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