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43. Because the Tombs Got Two Stars on Yelp

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In pursuit of poetic justice against their captors, many New Yorkers have taken to Yelp to vent about their hours in confinement at the Manhattan Detention Complex (better known as the Tombs) and to give free advice on how to survive inside a holding cell. Here are some excerpts from the reviews.

“If it’s crowded enough, prepare to sleep on the floor. That is if you can get any sleep.”


“It doesn’t matter what you did or claimed you didn’t do. You will be glared at with utter disgust as you line up with sobering frat boys, homeless rabble rousers looking for a warm place to stay, sobbing transvestites, and stab-happy kids with nothing else to do on a Friday night.”


“Their menu needs work … their sandwiches are awful. The bread is reminiscent of Styrofoam and the bologna is rough around the edges.”


“Do yourself a favor and commit any crime you plan on doing in the winter because if you get arrested in summer clothes prepare to spend the next 20+ hours in a refrigerator. They must keep the place at 40 degrees.”


“I didn’t try the food, but the single serving cereal boxes make for an acceptable pillow.”


“I did like the little Kellogg’s cereal boxes they give you in the morning, with a little carton of milk.”


“There is usually a jolly crackhead or crack dealer who will crack jokes all night and make the time go a little bit faster.”


“It might be wise to put off eating too much because if you have to use the bathroom it will be in front of a room full of people and on the most disgusting toilet seat in existence.”


“Overall I wouldn’t recommend this place to anyone and hopefully I’ll never have to visit again.”


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