THE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED DAD
Male, 43, Wall Street trader, Bay Ridge, married, three kids.

DAY 1
7:00 A.M. Wake up feeling frisky. My wife says, “Let’s all go to early Mass.”
7:30 P.M. She tells me she really wants to make love with me. It’s too early; the kids are still up.
9:30 She says she’s tired, just snuggles, and falls asleep. Oh, well.

DAY 2
7:00 A.M. Wake up kind of excited, but it’s time to get everybody up.
7:15 Get a nice flash of tits before my wife goes into bathroom.
9:00 P.M. Been a long day and I really want her, but she won’t be home from work for three more hours.
MIDNIGHT Think I said good night to her. May have dreamed it.

DAY 3
6:30 A.M. Awake to put on coffee. She is comatose.
4:00 P.M. Go for a drink. See a bartender friend. She is really hot, but not my wife.
8:00 Home and missing her—another late night.

DAY 4
6:55 A.M. Bring wife coffee in bed. Get a nice kiss for it.
4:00 P.M. Stop for a drink again.
7:45 Surprise! She is home early.
9:00 This is going to be a good night. It is. To be blunt, we have oral sex, both of us, one at a time, then sex with her on top.

DAY 5
7:00 A.M. Get up to make coffee with a big smile on my face. Bring it up to her and give her a big kiss.
11:30 P.M. Manage to wait up for her. Ask if she wants to fool around. Can’t. She got her period this afternoon.

DAY 6
7:00 A.M. Coffee and kiss.
5:00 P.M. Exchange a few playful e-mails with her, even though it’s not going anywhere.
MIDNIGHT Get a good-night kiss.

DAY 7
7:00 A.M. Awake to get bagels, and then we go separate ways with kids.
5:30 P.M. One hour till dinner guests. Frantically cooking.
11:15 Her friends finally leave. We clean up, kiss, and go to sleep.

Total: One act of fellatio; one act of cunnilingus; one act of intercourse, woman on top.

Related:

• Archive: “Guides”
• Articles by Arianne Cohen
• Table of Contents: Apr 30, 2007 issue of New York | Subscribe!

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