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The Sex Diaries

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THE POST-STARTER-MARRIAGE DIVORCÉ
Male, 31, advertising executive, Greenpoint, straight and living alone.

DAY 1
MIDNIGHT Start sex diary. Think about having sex with writer of this article.
2:00 A.M. Wonder if I’d end up going home with a random chick at a bar and having sex. Some chick gives me the eye, but I decide to ignore it.
4:00 Walk home from train. Think about masturbating. Don’t do it. Think about scheduled drinks with a girl tomorrow night. Wonder if we’ll end up having sex tomorrow night. Mental note to change my bedsheets tomorrow.
4:20 Consider looking at porn online. Don’t.
NOON Think about masturbating in shower but don’t.
2:00 P.M. Cute blonde was two places in front of me at the grocery store. Look at her lips and think about what it would be like to kiss her and wake up next to her in the morning.
5:00 Masturbate.

DAY 2
2:00 A.M. Hook up with girl that I meet at a club. Friend-of-a-friend. No penetration, oral only.
2:00 P.M. Realize I don’t know this girl’s name. Girl leaves.
4:00 Masturbate after girl leaves.
6:00 Friend comes over for drinks. Some canoodling.
8:00 Friend leaves. A kiss-with-no-tongue good-bye. Is my breath okay?

DAY 3
8:30 A.M. Find condoms in coat from Day 1.
1:15 P.M. Share elevator at work with cute blonde. Think about making out with her.
1:30 Have job interview. Think about all the cute girls I could potentially have sex with.
3:00 Co-worker makes joke about Viagra.
4:30 Erection at work for absolutely no reason. Wasn’t even thinking about sex.
11:15 Girl sends me text. Wants to hang out tonight. I tell her no.
11:20 Get erection while imagining the girl coming over.
11:25 Masturbate.

DAY 4
8:00 A.M. Wake up with erection.
3:30 P.M. Get uncomfortable erection at work. Fantasize about co-worker. What are her nipples like?
3:35 Masturbate in restroom at work.
8:30 Home. Take shower and masturbate.

DAY 5
8:00 A.M. Wake with erection.
10:00 Fantasize about co-worker.
4:00 P.M. Go to gym. Consider masturbating in shower at gym. Wonder how many people have. Gross.
8:00 Watch movie. Think about hard nipples and cold skin.
11:00 Home. Send text to girl from Day 3. Wonder if I can get her to come over for a booty call.
11:30 She’s reading a book. I decide not to ask her.

DAY 6
8:00 A.M. Wake up with erection.
9:30 Fantasize about girl on subway.
MIDNIGHT Get propositioned by girl at bar. Don’t go home with her.

DAY 7
8:00 A.M. Wake up with erection.
9:30 Think about having sex with girl on subway.
MIDNIGHT Flirt with multiple girls at bar. Do not get numbers and do not go home with any of them.

Total: Five acts of masturbation, one act of fellatio.


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