Illustration by Kagan McLeod

11. CARBON-NEUTRAL WEDDING
Will you marry me?
No.
But think of the glamorous, carbon-neutral wedding we could have! For just $260, we can offset the carbon emissions of 250 guests, with little signs for every table informing them that—
I get it. Never mind the Humvee limo and Chilean sea bass—we just pay someone else to be green for us.
Beneath that cynical veneer, you’re a moralist, aren’t you? Not me. A pound of CO2 saved is a pound of CO2, period.
Come on—the voluntary offset biz is an unregulated mess. You’re probably paying for tree plantations that will burn down next week.
As it happens, we’ll be helping U.S. farms capture methane—a greenhouse gas 21 times nastier than CO2—and turn it into power. And DrivingGreen is recommended by the Environmental Defense Fund.
Okay, okay. But ix-nay on the table signage.
Darling! You mean … you will?

VERDICT: You can’t buy your way out of life’s complicity. But if you’re already walking the walk, offsets soften your footprint.