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Alternative Reality TV


Illustrations by Matthew Woodson  

Grey’s Anatomy

By Lauren Gussis, writer from Dexter

Over the past 11 episodes...
The surgical ward of Seattle Grace saw all sorts of scandal. George and Izzie embarked on the most ill-fated relationship in history, while Callie dealt with the fact that George dumped her for someone much prettier (but more annoying). Derek and Meredith continued with their on-again/off-again non-relationship, Alex got it on with Lexie, and Miranda’s husband gave her the boot. Cristina just hung around.

EPISODE 12: “Love and Marriage”
Meredith decides she wants Derek back, but she’s too late—Derek has asked Rose to marry him, even though they’ve never actually had a real date. Meanwhile, Tucker, Miranda’s husband, tries to serve her with divorce papers, but she’s too busy to receive them.

EPISODE 13: “Every Breath You Take”
On the top bunk of the break room, Alex and Lexie have a hot three-way with Rebecca (Jane Doe), who has come back … again. On the bottom bunk, George has sex with Cristina. Ever competitive, she needs to rectify the fact that everyone except her has slept with George. When Izzie finds out, she stalks and (unsuccessfully) tries to kill Cristina.

EPISODE 14: “You Oughtta Know”
Izzie is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and is checked into the psych ward of Seattle Grace. Meanwhile, Cristina finds out she’s pregnant with George’s baby, but decides not to tell George—at least not until he’s really getting along with Callie again.

EPISODE 15: “Hard Sun”
Derek goes on an epic search for Burke (he needs him to be his best man) and finds him in Alaska, living as a professional fly fisherman–slash–mountain man. Back at the hospital, Richard realizes Meredith is as desperate as he is, so he makes a pass at her and they make out in the locker room.

And for the SEASON FINALE… “Our House”

Meredith finds out shocking news: Thatcher’s not her real father … Richard is! Derek stands Rose up at the altar because he’s found out he has only three months to live. Meredith and Richard decide to explore their father-daughter relationship, and he tries not to get turned on when she calls him Daddy. Izzie is institutionalized for good, and Cristina has a(nother) miscarriage.


MEREDITH: Last night was a mistake. Like the biggest, most heinous mistake in the history of mistakes. I don’t know how to say this…
RICHARD: (nervously running a hand through his newly coiffed hair) Is it the hair? I can change the hair.
MEREDITH backs away from him, but they’re in an elevator, so she can’t move far.
MEREDITH: Richard. Listen to me. You’re my father. I found my birth certificate.
RICHARD: But last night we …
RICHARD: Thank God we didn’t—
RICHARD: I need some air.


RICHARD and MEREDITH run into DEREK walking down the hall, pale-faced.
RICHARD: Derek. Are you all right?
DEREK: I have stomach cancer. They gave me three months to live.
MEREDITH: Seriously?
MEREDITH goes to hug DEREK, who forcefully shrugs off her embrace.
DEREK: Meredith, please. I wasted the last three years on you. I don’t want to waste even three seconds of my last three months.
Then … 
DEREK: I need to go kiss some more nurses.
A group of NURSES trails behind him.


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