Test Your Staying Power

Part 1: Are You Addicted to the Fast Lane?
(Unless otherwise noted, score 1 point for each yes answer.)

1. Do you read the ads in the Sunday Times real-estate section every week, even though you can't possibly afford a bigger apartment? (Add 1 point if you read the real-estate section before the front page; add 1 point if you also read the "Luxury Homes" ads in the Times Magazine and the "Town & Country Properties" in New York Magazine.)

2. Do you complain constantly that you don't have enough time for anything, but rationalize that there is no way out?

3. Is sex mostly a fond memory? (Add 1 point if you can't remember; subtract 1 point if you do have a memory but it isn't fond.)

4. Did you make applications for your child to more than six private schools? (Add 1 point if they included at least three of the following: Dalton, Trinity, Brearley, Chapin, Horace Mann, Collegiate, Nightingale-Bamford, Spence.)

5. Are real-estate prices and private schools the two most frequent topics of conversation when you attend dinner parties or take your children to the park? (Add 1 point if the third most frequent topic is the difficulty of finding good help.)

6. Have you suffered, for no apparent reason, from any of the following ailments during the past six months: insomnia, lower-back pain, upper-back pain, stomach problems, dizziness, hives, migraine headaches? (Add 1 point for each ailment; add 1 point if you've seen a chiropractor, masseuse, or reflexologist six or more times in the past six months.)

7. When people ask why you stay in Manhattan, have you ever answered, "I didn't move to New York in order to live in Brooklyn (or Queens) (or the Bronx)"?

8. Do you spend every dollar that you earn, even though your earnings have increased beyond anything that seemed possible ten years ago?

9. Do you consider three or more of the following items necessities: take-out Chinese food, a VCR and membership in a video club, a health-club membership, a car and garage, full-time child care, a housecleaner, a summer-vacation getaway? (Add 2 points for either of the following: a mobile phone for your car, weekend child-care help.)

10. During the past two years, have you exaggerated your income in order to qualify for a mortgage or any other form of credit? (Add 1 point if your mortgage and maintenance payments or your rent exceeds 40 percent of your gross income.)

11. Are you afraid to leave New York because you'd miss the cultural diversity (even though the closest you've come to a cultural experience in the past year was stopping to listen to a guitarist in Central Park sing songs from the sixties)?

12. (Replaces question 11 for those who have moved out of the city) Do you still do one or more of the following: return to the city at least two weekends a month, keep your child enrolled in a New York City school or day-care center, bring dinner back from the city more than four times a month?

Scoring

20 or more points: You are an excellent candidate for hospitalization for nervous exhaustion. Immediately take a one-month vacation on a distant island with no phone. If you must, rationalize the time off as a business investment. You will be cooling off an engine that you've been running too hard.

15-19: Danger of overdose. Take a three-day weekend.

10-14: You are in the swing category—moving very fast but probably wondering about the direction.

6-9: You have managed to resist trying to have it all. Either you are very rich or very independent.

5 or fewer: You have long since left New York City.

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Part 2: Are You Having Second Thoughts?

1. Do you feel embarrassed that you answered yes to so many of the questions above—or stretched the truth outrageously in order to answer no?

2. Do you feel guilty about how little time you spend with your children, and/or your spouse, and/or your friends, and/or on social causes? (No credit if you feel free-floating guilt.)

3. Have you given up reading the Sunday Times co-op ads—and turned instead to homes in the suburbs? (Add 1 point if you've looked at ads for homes more than 75 miles from New York City.)

4. Have you visited the public school in your area and seriously considered sending your child there? (If you answered yes but were referring to Hunter College High School, subtract 1 point. Hunter is strictly fast track—and you know it. If you are actually sending your child to public school, add 2 points.)

5. If you hear one more conversation about real estate, schools, or the difficulty of finding good help, is there a reasonable likelihood that you'll throw up?

6. Have you done any of the following in the past six months: consciously decided to stop working nights and/or weekends; given up jogging, Nautilus machines, or weight lifting; taken up walking, swimming, and/or yoga? (Add 1 point for each.)

7. Have you found yourself fantasizing about the advantages of moving to the suburbs? (Add 1 point only if this is something you vowed you'd never do.)

8. Have you consciously resisted buying something you wanted during the past year, simply in order to sock away some money for the future? (Subtract 1 point if you are saving for a Jaguar.)

9. As part of your new resolve, is this the last issue of New York Magazine you will ever read?

Scoring

15 or more points: Maybe you've gone too far. In all likelihood, you'll lead a new wave back to New York in the next five years.

10-14: You are on the cusp of a life change. You'll probably feel better if you make it.

5-9: It is just beginning to dawn on you that something's not right. But you're not yet ready to do anything about it.

4 or fewer: See Scoring for Part 1, 15 and above.

—T.S.

* The names of couples denoted by an asterisk have been changed at their request.

Related:

• Archive: “Features”
• Articles by Tony Schwartz
• From the Jul 15, 1985 issue of New York