22, Dating a man.
A penis and a vagina are so different. The energy is different. If you’re a guy fucking another guy, you have two dicks and you can be done in twenty minutes. But when you have sex with a woman, you have to work your way up a little more.
I lost my virginity to a girl when I was 13. But by then I knew I was definitely interested in men. Eventually, I told people I was gay, definitely. And if I was gay, I thought it would be wrong to sleep with both men and women. Then I realized that if a girl gives me a boner, I didn’t want to just put that aside.
At my high school, everyone knew I was bi, but no one wanted to use that word, and I didn’t either. I just said, “I really like holes.”
I used the word gay when “I went to Columbia for college. But I found the gay-male world at Columbia is sort of anti-women. So I re–came out and started using the word bisexual. I quickly realized I couldn’t do that without someone rolling their eyes. When you’re a girl and bi, people assume it’s a phase. When you’re a guy, people just assume you’re gay. For a while, I used the word pansexual, but then I felt like a jackass.
For the past nine to ten months, I’ve been dating a guy who is a little intimidated by my sexuality. We have an open relationship, and he’s sensitive about me hooking up with women. I think he feels that I’ll leave him and start a straight-boy lifestyle. And the fact that he’s afraid of me hooking up with women makes me seek them out more. I’m an asshole like that. I don’t think I could be monogamous—I’m really horny.
At this moment in my life, when I’m having sex, I prefer men who are more submissive. That really gets me. With women, I tend to like when they take control in bed and are more dominant. It’s kind of reversed.
Eventually, I realized I could have sex with a guy the way I have sex with women—slower and more intense—and then I could have sex with women in ways I’ve had sex with men, fast and hard. Contrary to popular belief, not all women want to be held tenderly and all guys don’t want to just bang-bang get it out.
The biggest difference is with oral sex. I like having oral sex with women, but I don’t really like giving blow jobs. I just don’t like things in my mouth for extended periods of time. I’ve heard a lot of gay boys say, “I know how to suck a dick because I have a dick.” There’s some truth to that. But a lot of women have given me amazing blow jobs.