Fein: If you’re in a friend zone, find out what books she likes, what movies she likes, what turns her on.
Lyons: No, that would push the friend zone further and make them more comfortable.
Fein: No, women feel with their head. I had a guy that knew my favorite book was Gone With the Wind and he read it, and that made me fall madly in love with him.
Lyons: What I’m saying is that only works if the woman is attracted to the guy already.
Fein: No, no, I really wasn’t and then he read Gone With the Wind and I was like, “Oh my god!” I felt like Scarlett and he was Rhett. This was me in college.
Leigh: That was a long time ago.
What if a guy’s been going on proper, respectful dates and wants to move it into sex?
Fein: He can put his arm around you. When they seat you at the table, he can sit at your side of the table. He definitely pays for the check.
Lyons: That’s all nonsense. She’s going to reject that straight away. If you want to move things to be more sexual then you need to find out if someone is willing to engage you on a sexual level. I get them to bring up sex in the third person. You can talk about those people around you, “Do you think those people are on a first date, second date? Are they cheating on each other?” Discuss other people’s sex lives, and then you transition it to when you had your first kiss, when you first hooked up. Turn the conversation onto sex and women get aroused. I’ll say to someone, “Don’t tell me, but what is your deepest, darkest sexual fantasy?” I don’t need to know what it is, but if she’s comfortable enough with me to visualize this, then I will benefit from that and she will get aroused. If she does, I find that it’s the woman that initiates touching me, because at that point she needs that physical closeness. That is a thousand times more effective than picking up the check.
What if you want to start a threesome? How do you suss out that situation?
Perrion: The fundamental thing of open relationships and relationships where there’s a third party introduced into it is that the girl who is your girl in your situation has to be the one to start the whole thing. She is the focus, she is the queen.
Lyons: If you’re in a committed relationship with someone, you shouldn’t be adding a third party into it, and if you are, then you should pay for it, that way there’s a contractual agreement that goes away at the end. Go somewhere where it’s legal, like Amsterdam. That way you have that experience, but don’t have to worry about it seeping into the relationship. If you’re in a non-committed relationship, the easiest way to do that is to have multiple partners and suggest that you get together.
Leigh: In a committed, nonmonogamous relationship, I believe it’s the job of the man to build attraction with the new third partner that you’re bringing in and the woman’s job to build comfort with her.
Lyons: Or the other way around. I’ve had situations where I had the girl be like, “Hey, I like this girl and I made out with her in the club last night, I want to bring her into the bedroom.” So she brings the attraction and I build the comfort. I had a period where we did Threesome Thursdays, but it came about because we were all in open relationships and it was very easy to do. You just have one person take the lead and bring the other in afterward.
Is it possible to start a threesome cold at a bar?
Lyons: I’ve done it cold on a number of occasions. The very first time that I had two girls that I made out with at the same time, they were two friends. What happened was I had actually lost my voice the day before, so I couldn’t speak. I was writing on a piece of paper. For fun, I would show both the girls the piece of paper, one after another. And it became like a joke for hours: Whatever I would do with one girl, I would do with the other girl, because it was on a piece of paper and I couldn’t communicate with them at the same time. I would dance with one and then I’d dance with the other. And after a while, I had them both on each arm, and I made out with one and then I made out with the other one. Then, at the end of the night, the two girls and I went home, we had sex, and in the morning, the girls were like, “Wow, we had always wanted to sleep together, but we never had the situation.” Again, I don’t feel I initiated it. I felt that what happened was that I stumbled across a situation that was going to happen one day and I just so happened to have the ability to enable them in a situation that was always going to happen. I don’t think anyone could walk into a bar, pinpoint two individual women, and say, “These two. Tonight. I’m going to take them.” Except for maybe Brad Pitt.