12:30 p.m. I left Queens to follow my skydiving-instructor boyfriend to Mexico, where I’m working in sales. The honeymoon is so over. I badly need to move back.
1 p.m. Find boyfriend flirting online with hot friend. I tell him he’s an asshole.
8:15 a.m. I join My Future Ex-Boyfriend in the shower. I feel bad about breaking up, but love how he gets up on his toes before he has an orgasm.
4 a.m. Boyfriend comes home smelling like cheap stripper perfume but swears he didn’t get a lap dance. Tempted to smell balls to make sure nobody has been there.
8:30 a.m. Now I smell like the cheap stripper, too.
9:30 p.m. I trick him into admitting he did, in fact, get a lap dance, and go to bed sad about the distance between us. Need to make love with MFEB. It’s the second time I’ve ever cried during sex, and the first I’ve also had such a strong orgasm come with it. The universe is truly fucked up.
DAY SIX 3:40 a.m. Had the most fun night ever with MFEB and happy we can enjoy the next few weeks before I move back home.
8:25 a.m. I think we’ll part on a good note—there’s a lot of love. Quick oral sex to start his day right.
9 p.m. MFEB calls me a greedy bitch
12:30 a.m. Still crying.
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COMMENTS ON THIS DIARY
“I totally get the whole knowing-you’re-about- to-breakup-makes-hooking-up-awesome thing. Not sure why, though I think it stems from some fear of committment on my part.”
“The first mistake was following a skydiving instructor to Cabo.”