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Four Bars, Two Estonians, and Many, Many Gin-and-Tonics

Enn and Reno came to New York from Tallinn, Estonia, for a four-day vacation. This is how they spent their last night out.


9:40 P.M. Draft beers at Niagara Bar in the East Village, killing time before a table opens up at the Bourgeois Pig.
Reno: “The one thing I don’t like about the States is that you have to wait in line for a bar.”

10:20 At Bourgeois Pig.
Reno: “I like this place. It’s very French.” They order something called Charlemagne’s Cup. A petite brunette cocktail waitress arrives with a massive silver punch bowl filled with a Champagne-based concoction, which the Estonians dispense into tiny teacups.
Reno: “New York is my favorite city!”
Enn: “It is decided: We like it more than London.”

10:41 Swigging Champagne drinks, while calling each other fat and quoting from Lord of the Rings.

10:45 Reno: “Am I drinking too fast? It’s just my cup—it’s always empty!”
Enn: “The fat one is always thirsty!”

11:05 Recount last night’s outing in the meatpacking district, which included a lengthy session at Spice Market (Enn: “Really good!) and a one-drink stop at Avenue (Reno: “Too much coke”).

11:20 Leave for Canal Room.

11:33 Panic: Canal Room appears to be closed. Wait … what’s that sound?

11:40 Inside Canal Room, surprise! It’s Disco Night. Bud Lights all around!

MIDNIGHT Reno and Enn sway hesitantly as the jumpsuit-clad band cranks out “Disco Inferno.”

12:08 A.M. Enn: “Shake, shake, shake … Shake, shake, shake … Shake your booty.”

12:10 Woman in her fifties is pulled onstage and begins grinding with the twentysomething singer.
Reno: “I just love it!”

12:15 Donna Summer’s “Hot Stuff’ prompts Reno to let loose: “We don’t have this! In Estonia, we don’t have such entertainers!”

1:00 Reno and Enn are joined by Oleg, another Estonian in town for holiday. Within minutes, Oleg is onstage singing “I Will Survive.” Enn: “He’s one crazy Estonian!”

1:20 Has anybody seen Enn?

1:22 Reno: “Unbelievable. Out last night in NYC and he left us. Stupido! Bastardo!” Is that Estonian?

1:40 No luck hailing a taxi, but Reno has a solution: “I’ll undress!”

1:45 Reno to cabdriver: “You’re carrying the most famous Estonians, so be careful!” Then, joking: “We’ve never seen skyscrapers!”

2:35 Gin-and-tonics and Lady Gaga at Urge.
Reno: “We haven’t had Lady Gaga concerts yet because she’s still too expensive for Estonia.”


2:55 Stop into Boiler Room for more gin-and-tonics. Reno points to a long-haired, bearded hipster: “He must be a German hunter.”

3:15 Reno wants to call it a night, but Oleg insists they stay out.

3:20 In protest, Reno dives into a heap of trash bags and pretends to fall asleep.

3:21 Reno realizes a faux iPhone he’d bought in Bangkok is missing. “The best part”: a four-inch antenna.

3:23 Picking through bags of trash in search of phone.

3:24 No luck. Back to bed.


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