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Gimme an H!

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This week’s column is in the form of a holiday cheer. H is for Hume, as in Brit, the guy who had a harmless chat—or was that an “interview”?—with the trigger-happy vice-president. A is for ass-deep, which is what the city was after 26.9 inches of snow fell (until it disappeared moments later). P is for Pedro Martinez, the Mets ace whose right big toe’s persistent pain may be alleviated by special Nike cleats. P is for prophylactics, which the city plans to give out—branded with NYC logos. Y is for yammer, which Alan Greenspan is apparently happy to do all day if it means paychecks like the $250,000 he got for speaking at Lehman Brothers, outcry and market gyrations notwithstanding. P is for Paris Hilton, who “Page Six” reported might be single again. R is for Rufus, that laughably ugly bull terrier who stole the Westminster Dog Show. E is for Emily Hughes, the Long Island teen who’s suddenly an Olympian. S is for Saddam Hussein, who pulled a Vincent Gigante, shuffling around in court in his pj’s. I is for insufficient income, as Avenue Q’s shortfalls in Vegas caused Steve Wynn to yank the puppet musical from his casino. D is for the Dolans, who won’t let their West Side–stadium tiff with Mayor Bloomberg stop their proposal for a mammoth new Madison Square Garden. E is for electrically charged metal in the sidewalks, which gave post-blizzard shocks to a 15-year-old model in Times Square (she’s fine) and a dog in Brooklyn (he, sadly, is not). N is for nepotism, which Sumner Redstone apparently decided didn’t apply to his son Brent, who’s suing Dad for shutting him out of the $8 billion family business. T is for Tussauds, where a wax statue of Hillary Clinton was unveiled (the Post called it “redundant”). S is for Shira Scheindlin, the judge who let housebound Junior Gotti have dinner with his wife on Valentine’s Day—the day his racketeering retrial began. D is for double whammy, which the city is begging for by wooing the 2008 Democratic and Republican conventions. A is for aerial gondola, the crazy-cool key to the Governors Island redevelopment. Y is for the Yankees, who seem to have enough pitching to go all the way—which is what we all thought last President’s Day.


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