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Bargain Billions

Got $5.4 billion but lost out on buying Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village? A shopping list:

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• Pay CBGB’s jacked-up rent for 10,975 years.

• Buy 12,674,271.2 shares of Google, at its closing price on Oct. 19 (426.06).

• Acquire 3.25 YouTubes.

• Foot the bill for 19 days of the war in Iraq.

• Get 10, 821,643 sets of Sony PlayStation 3 or 21,686,747 Nintendo Wiis.

• Pony up for 4 years’ worth of tuition and fees at Columbia for 30,124 students.

• Hire 384,615 New Yorkers at the minimum wage for a year.

• Procure 48,214 of the world’s most expensive truffle.

• Eat 12,857,142 prix fixe dinners for 2 at Per Se.

• Get celebrity hairstylist Orlando Pita to cut 6.75 million heads of hair himself.

• Dole out the Yankees’ 2006 payroll for the next 28 years.

• Or the Mets’ 2006 payroll for the next 53 years.

• Build 5.4 new stadiums for the Yankees or 7.5 for the Mets.

• Get your own fleet of 135 brand-new Staten Island Ferry boats.

• Ride subways and buses using monthly MetroCards for 6 million years.

• Acquire 1.8 million black-market kidneys from India, or just 1.08 million from Turkey.

• Pay for 519,230 people (2 percent of the population) to escape North Korea.

• Buy 300 million copies of Ann Coulter’s Godless on Amazon.com, enough for every man, woman, and child in America.

Have good intel? Send tips to intel@nymag.com.


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