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Get Me to the PATH on Time!

It’s not gay marriage, exactly, but last week’s decision by the New Jersey Supreme Court to require the state to create a legally viable same-sex union caused some confirmed city folk to wonder, How bad would it be to be a Jersey commuter? So we popped the question to a few gay men:

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This is quite a conundrum because, like most people, it seems, I was born and bred in Jersey, and I managed to get out. I am a huge believer in gay marriage. And, yeah, it might be worth it. Secretly I love the suburbs.
Jonathan Adler, housewares designer

New Jersey actually has the highest concentration of homoerotic-sounding towns in the U.S. There’s Butzville, Ramsey, Peapack, Manville, Little Ferry. I’ve driven all over the state, and I can tell you: You’re never too far from a gay-sounding township. It’s a small thing, sure, but we appreciate it.
Jim Nelson, editor of GQ


I like the idea of getting married till I found out my gay garden would have to be in the Garden State.
Jai Rodriguez, Queer Eye

I’d do almost anything to become eligible to appear on Bridezillas. But I’m going to go out on a limb and say the heterosexuals can have New Jersey. I find my desire to assimilate grows progressively weaker the further I go down the turnpike.
Doug Wright, playwright

I wish I still lived in New Jersey! Actually no, wait, I don’t, to tell you the truth. I guess I have very mixed feelings. I’m very happy to have left, but I wish I lived in a state that had its laws. So you wouldn’t move back? Are you kidding me?
Joe Dolce, editor of The Star


I’m originally from New Jersey, and finally it’s done something to make me think about moving back! So would you move back? Are you kidding me?
Jonathan Capehart, PR exec and former Bloomberg campaign adviser

No sales tax on clothing, and now gay marriage?!! Hello, Weehawken!
Carson Kressley, Queer Eye


Civil union is fine by me, as long as you have the same tax breaks and you can will your property and your partner can see you in a medical emergency. But, for me, it’s not about some holy union. I don’t really aspire to the suburban fantasy. Russell Simmons and Kimora Lee Simmons can keep New Jersey, with their dirty asses and their fat children.
Casey Spooner, artist

I don’t believe that even a marriage prospect could propel me to relocate to the Garden State. Thankfully, my romantic life is a barren desert.
Tim Gunn, Parsons School


If gay marriage had been legal in my past, I might be paying three alimonies today. I ain’t moving anywhere, but I could imagine looking for a date in Wildwood. It sounds sexy there.
John Waters, filmmaker

Awesome! Now which of my boyfriends should I marry first?
Ryan McGinley, artist

I once moved to New Jersey and got Lyme disease, so I still kind of hold that against the state. But it does finally make it a little cooler than New York.
David France, co-author of The Confession, by James McGreevey


Look how far we’ve gone. Didn’t it seem like just a few years ago we were sneaking into New Jersey to have sex with the governor at a rest stop—and now we can get married! Suddenly I’m interested in seeing Jersey Boys, because I know how it will end.
Douglas Carter Beane, playwright

Are we moving to New Jersey? Hmmmm. Do they have Dean & DeLuca there? Can we get a deal on a brownstone? It's great that the court struck a blow (sort of) for marriage equality, and much of New Jersey is very nice, but Barry and I aren't inclined to do anything so hysterical as to move there. (We similarly have not moved to New Palz, San Fran, Massachusetts, Canada, or Amsterdam, all of which at one time or another have come to their senses on this issue, and some of which have even retained them.)
Ted Allen, Queer Eye

I am just today settling in to my Williamsburg digs and have no plans to relocate to the Garden State. But get back to me if the legislature does the right thing.
Kyan Douglas, Queer Eye

Have good intel? Send tips to intel@nymag.com.


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