It Happened Last Week

Far From Heaven

By Mark Adams
Published Feb 24, 2008

While some looked to the stars last week—awaiting a lunar eclipse, spy-satellite explosion, or the arrival of J.Lo’s twins—the real action was taking place in the streets. Barack Obama seemed poised to kick Hillary Clinton to the curb after resounding victories in Wisconsin and Hawaii, the defections of key superdelegates, and the endorsement of the almighty Teamsters. The Clintons swung back with attacks on the junior senator’s wordiness—and accused him of plagiarizing his pal Deval Patrick, the governor of Massachusetts—while plotting a delegate raid of their own. John McCain pummeled the Times after the paper dredged up an eight-year-old rumor about improprieties with a lobbyist; his camp denied the story. Governor Spitzer’s aides tore into City Council Speaker Christine Quinn’s objections to his proposed Javits land deal, calling her staff a bunch of “fucking idiots.” Mayor Bloomberg fumed over the undercounting of Democratic-primary votes, accusing the Board of Elections of systemic incompetence. Cops questioned why the psychotic patient who is accused of murdering an Upper East Side psychologist had been discharged from a psychiatric ward just ten days earlier. The city’s 14,000 prisoners went on a whole-grain diet. School districts tried to figure out if pupils had consumed tainted beef from a California slaughterhouse. Larry Silverstein offered a would-be record $3 billion for the General Motors Building, while a Brooklyn resident tried to explain how he’d spent the $2 million he’d withdrawn from the bank account of a man with the same name. Georgia the Wonder Kitty, missing for 25 days, was discovered scrounging around in a midtown subway tunnel. Immigrants from Kosovo, Cuba, and Pakistan cautiously celebrated the news of seismic political change in their home countries. Nets franchise guard Jason Kidd was traded to the Dallas Mavericks. Andy Pettitte issued a charming spring-training mea culpa for his HGH use. And a meatpacking-district landlord stuck a fork in Florent’s 23-year run, tossing proprietor Florent Morellet to the gutter with an unsustainable rent increase to $50,000 a month.