Ladies and Gentlemen, the Next President and Vice President . . .
(Not necessarily in that order) To create the perfect Purple Party people, we ran some of those listed on these pages through the computer, and these are the ones the machine came up with. They’re not gorgeous—but would you trust them if they were?
Right now, before he gets destroyed by the system.
The one who ran for president in 2000, not the one running for president in 2008.
Because both red and blue can claim him as their own. And who knows which one is right?
Because, in his hands, triangulation was mostly an expression of democracy rather than chickenshittedness. But please, no lip-biting.
George Bush Sr.
Though possibly his child-rearing skills could be faulted, he really does have a head for this foreign-policy stuff.
Because a great politician is a great salesman—and we’d love to see him redecorate the White House.
A Kansas governor who’s a Democrat and a woman? She has to be doing something right.
Because he’s committed, and iconoclastic, and—hello—we need his money.
Because she really does feel your pain. And will cause it, too (witness James Frey), when necessary.
(See The Third Man by Chris Smith)
Sandra Day O’Connor
The supreme example that a third way is the right way.
Because to get politics right, first you have to identify what’s wrong—and make fun of it. Bonus: Stephen Colbert for VP.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver
They contradict themselves? So they contradict themselves. They contain multitudes (and some of them are Kennedys).
Speaks the truth no matter which party it benefits. Can’t Swift Boat a man who lost a leg in Vietnam.
Smart, we’ve heard. And, recently, very generous.
What’s not to like? Well, plenty. But for a few days after 9/11, he’s forgiven a lot.
Geena Davis as Mackenzie Allen
Because it’s time for a tough woman in the White House.