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First Love

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Obama: Jane Doe With a Curious Voice
While he was living in New York after college, he writes in Dreams From My Father, Obama met a white woman whom he doesn't name with “dark hair and specks of green in her eyes” whose voice “sounded like a wind chime.” For a year the lovebirds saw each other mostly on weekends, and Obama eventually visited her family’s country home in an undisclosed woodland setting. The two started stressing over the interracial aspect of their relationship; the breaking point came when they argued loudly over an angry play by an African-American that Obama had taken her to see. The couple split. “We started to think about the future, and it pressed into our warm little world,” he writes. He also admits that “there are several black ladies out there who’ve broken my heart just as good,” but doesn’t elaborate on those women or which hanging ornaments, if any, their voices sounded like.

Romney: He Claims It Was His Wife, But It Seems Romney Might Have Been Quite the Player
Ann Davies was the first girl that Romney ever seriously dated, and considering that he proposed to her mere hours after returning from a 30-month mission spreading the good word of Joseph Smith in France, she's likely the first (and only) girl he's ever loved. However, in a surprisingly unguarded interview with conservative news site Newsmax, Romney's wife was clear about the fact that by the time she first met Romney, an upperclassman, at the birthday party of a mutual friend (and one of Romney's exes), he had already earned himself a bit of a reputation for his roving eye. "He was pretty cute; that's all I cared about," she said, "but he'd dated a bunch of my friends, and so I kind of knew him a little bit from my friends. He was one of those guys that would date a girl for like six weeks and then go on to another girl, and then another and another. He kind of did that through my sophomore year. He dated about three of my friends. So I was very wary of him.” Which raises the distinct possibility that some other young student at Kingswood — the all-girls counterpart to all-male Cranbrook — in the early sixties first stole Romney's heart, but then left him in the lurch. Well, whoever this imaginary lady is, now's the time to come forward.


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