Clockwise: Rachel Dratch, Joan Rivers, Janeane Garofolo, Alicia Silverstone.   (Photo: Getty Images)

Joan Rivers
Laurie Beechman Theater at the West Bank Café; 10/7 at 9 p.m., 10/8, 10/21, and 10/27–10/28 at 8 p.m; 407 W. 42nd St., nr. Ninth Ave.; 212-695-6909
The 76-year-old crass comedienne recently demonstrated grace while being eviscerated by her peers at a Comedy Central Roast. This time it's her turn to take the stage when she performs new material at the Laurie Beechman Theater. Note: She may look like grandma, but it's probably best to leave the kids at home. Also, QVC products will not be sold, but proceeds will benefit God's Love We Deliver.

Alicia Silverstone
Comix ; 10/10 at 9 a.m.; 353 W. 14th St., nr. Ninth Ave.; 212-524-2500
The Clueless star is making a small-scale comeback via a new book, The Kind Diet: A Simple Guide to Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Saving the Planet. She'll be signing copies next Monday at Barnes & Noble, but this Saturday she'll be on stage at the NYC Wine & Food Festival, relaying stories and giving a culinary demonstration. She won't be telling jokes, exactly, but the event is at Comix, so expect some yuks.

Celebrity Autobiography: In Their Own Words
The Triad Theater; 10/12 at 7:30 p.m.; 158 W. 72nd St., nr. Amsterdam Ave.; 212-362-2590
On Saturday Night Live, Rachel Dratch made a name for herself with genius bits that would make the other actors break character (remember Debbie Downer?) On Monday, she'll be reading original writings by the famous (and infamous), alongside fellow comics Sherri Shepherd and Kristen Johnston.

Janeane Garofolo
Comix; 10/13 at 7:30 p.m.; 353 W. 14th St., nr. Ninth Ave., 212-524-2500
The scene vet will churn out another set of her incredibly candid stand-up, alongside Todd Barry, Lewis Black, and others at Punchline Magazine's Fourth Anniversary party. Fifteen bucks gets in you in the door, but if you're one of the first ones in, it also gets you a gift bag filled with "comedy goodies."

Punch Up Your Life
Housing Works Bookstore Café; 10/13 at 8:30 p.m.; 126 Crosby St., nr. Houston St.; 212-334-3324
This weekly comedy show is co-hosted by Jessi Klein, a writer and actress on Michael and Michael Have Issues. Besides Klein, this season has already featured drop-ins from heavyweights like Aziz Ansari and Jim Gaffigan.