Love & Sex
Thank you for profiling virgins in the city [“Love & Sex: The Waiting Room,” by Yael Kohen, April 30]. I thought I was the only one, or at least the only one who wasn’t holding out for religious reasons. I have often wondered whether I would even tell the girl I finally do have sex with. I consider it my biggest secret. I know that keeping this kind of secret from someone I’d like to love could spell disaster, but it is a risk I’ve been willing to take. Now that I know I’m not the last of a dying breed, maybe I can be more truthful.
—Mike O’Neill, Brooklyn
Three years ago, I married a man 30 years my senior. After years of dating men my own age, I could no longer cope with the mind games, obsession with sex, commitment-phobias, money issues, insecurities, and the myriad other psychoses of these “men.” Grant Stoddard’s “The Mind of the Married Man” [“Love & Sex,” April 30] confirmed everything I already knew about men my age, and after reading it, I am relieved I made the choice I did. One of the married men commented on the “monotony of that dialogue” between mothers. I laughed when I read that, because I could not think of anything more boring than your participants’ “insights” about relationships and marriage.
—Kylie Harper, Manhattan
As a single MILF-of-two, I concur with Em & Lo and their source Jen that membership has its privileges [“Love & Sex: Of MILF and Men,” April 30]. For a lot of men, an intelligent, attractive woman who isn’t looking for marriage or (more) kids is like a dirty dream come true; I’ve dated more hot guys in the last three years than I did in my kidless twenties. When we MILFs have had our fill of 23-year-olds, however, things start to get tricky. Being a MILF is easy; being a MILHSRW (Mother I’d Like to Have a Serious Relationship With)? Not so much.
—Charlotte Webb, Manhattan
Perhaps Katie Roiphe is thinking like a college student because her life is not much more complicated than a college student’s [“Love & Sex: The Great Escape,” April 30]. She has a child (many women her age worry about their prospects of becoming a mother) and her child’s father is ready and able to participate in his daughter’s life. Lucky Katie also has the ability to build a new house (many divorced women cannot even afford to stay in their old house). And she has an established career. Many divorced women with real financial and social concerns also make it through just fine—not because they are overgrown adolescents but because they are adults.
—Linda Friedner Cowen, Great Neck, N.Y.
It’s unfortunate that Philip Weiss did not ask any Columbia students who are not members of the “radical” campus organizations why they are not members [“One, Two, Three, Four, Can a Columbia Movement Rise Once More?” April 23]. He would have discovered that there are many of us who are against the war in Iraq (and against a host of other policies advanced by the Bush administration) and who are not involved with those groups—not because we are careerist or apathetic but because we have concluded that there are more effective ways to bring about change than storming a talk given by one crazy anti-immigration vigilante.
—Shira Lauren Feldman, Manhattan
I loved every word of “I, Citiot” by Karen Schoemer [April 2]. I moved to Columbia County with my husband and then-baby son after living in Miami. Having spent my childhood visiting grandparents in Columbia County, I didn’t expect the culture shock that we experienced. However, the dichotomy that Schoemer discusses is definitely there. My son spent his toddlerhood joyfully picking strawberries on our CSA farm and petting goats that produced milk for the cheese he watched being made at the Old Chatham Sheepherding Company. But now that we live near Atlanta, with everything at our fingertips, I find it hard to imagine satisfying our 8-year-old’s needs in isolated Columbia County. It’s also hard to imagine satisfying my own. Sometimes it feels as if we dropped out of civilization for those years.
—Cherie Hanson-Rodriguez, Marietta, Ga.
Protecting the Glitterati
Jonathan Coleman’s Don Imus postmortem failed to mention that fueling his grotesqueries, whether tacitly or overtly, were those attending glitterati who were members of the Imus guest rotation [“Intelligencer: The Last Don,” April 23]. They used the Imus billboard to tout their book, movie, or political agenda, and cravenly chose to respond to the grossly inappropriate with only the lift of a brow. Then, as Imus gasped for survival, rather than come to his aid, these celebrated Imus “friends” anxiously circled the wagons around themselves. And whoever advised Imus to seek Al Sharpton’s indulgence seemed more interested in ending Imus’s career than in saving it.
—Jim McCaffrey, Sarasota, Fla.
Yuppies at the Drive
I have a soft spot for the Hyde Park Drive-in; I’ve been going there for over 30 years [“Strategist: The Weekend Getaway Planner,” April 23]. But now, when I’m standing in line at the snack bar behind snickering New York yuppies and my view of the screen is blocked by their “luxury” SUVs, I’ll know who to blame.
—Dave Stork, New Paltz, N.Y.
It was commendable that Wesley Autrey saved that man’s life, but I’m afraid the fame has gone to his head [“This Is the Part Where the Superhero Discovers He Is Mortal,” by Robert Kolker, April 23]. He should enjoy it for a moment and get back to the “real world.” You can’t make a living playing Superman; the benefits are not good.
—Margaret Buckhanon, Valley Cottage, N.Y.
It’s Alsatian for Wine
Thank you for an informative article about the hedge-fund world [“The Running of the Hedgehogs,” by Duff McDonald, April 16]. I just have one remark: You call Gewürztraminer “a German wine.” It is not strictly German—it is produced all over Europe, albeit with a German name.
—Diane Chehab, Manhattan