Turf (SANS Surf)
Steak on a shoestring

Two kinds of people order the $16.95 chopped sirloin steak at Gallagher's: the cheapskate and the connoisseur. The cheapskate surveys the classic steakhouse menu and quickly zeroes in on the least expensive hunk of beef he can find. The connoisseur, on the other hand, knows that a properly prepared chopped steak is a thing of beauty, whatever the cost. In spite of their common order, you can tell the two apart: The cheapskate will inevitably complain about the wait -- "Waiter, why's my hamburger taking so long?" -- while the connoisseur knows that hand-chopping the beef to order is the sine qua non of chopped steak and what elevates Gallagher's brawny, crusty, charred, perfectly juicy two-inch-thick version beyond the realm of burger heaven.

The chief draw at Tad's Steaks -- besides the bargain-basement beefsteak -- is the primordial thrill of watching the flames from the grill shoot up and pop around your T-bone while you wait, cafeteria tray in hand. It's what Tad's founder called a "steak show." So dazzling was the spectacle to a British friend of ours that he insists on returning every time he visits. To see if he was suffering from mad cow, we checked out the original Tad's branch on 42nd Street, which still has the aura of old Times Square, residing as it does next to the Peep-O-Rama. A faded bordello-red color scheme, fake Tiffany lamps, and Latino music add to the ambience. We ordered No. 6, the $9.75 Tad's Famous twelve-ounce T-bone (cooked medium, just to be on the safe side), which includes a side salad, a good baked potato, a grill-toasted slab of garlic bread, and -- the pièce de résistance -- a large ladleful of greasy gravy spooned over the entire plate. No threat to Peter Luger, but a surprisingly good protein fix for the price.

GALLAGHER'S, 228 W. 52nd St. (212-245-5336); TAD'S STEAKS, 119 W. 42nd St. (212-944-6907).

SURF (SANS TURF)
Lobster for less and other fish stories

Which lobster roll is better -- the one at Mary's Fish Camp or Pearl Oyster Bar -- was the topic around the water cooler the other day when a curmudgeonly colleague, a thrifty native New Englander with a Thoreauish patch of shrubbery on his chin, joined the debate:

"You can't get a real lobster roll in this godforsaken town," declared the young salt. "You've got to go to Maine for it."

"Well, what's wrong with Mary's and Pearl's?" we asked.

"Too small," he said.

"But they're positively bursting at the seams with lobster meat," we argued.

"Wrong type of bun," he retorted.

"But it's a grill-toasted Pepperidge Farm top-loading hot-dog bun," we said.

"Forget the bun," he said coldly. "There ain't no such thing as a $19 lobster roll."

Before we could say that Mary's actually costs $18 while Pearl's is only $17 (including, at both places, a pile of shoestring fries), Young Salt, having made his point, had gone back to scraping barnacles off his cubicle. The next time he emerges, we'll send him to Chelsea Market's The Lobster Place for a plump, juicy roll at half the price of Mary's. Or to Nick's Lobster, a Marine Park, Brooklyn, fish market and seafood shack overlooking Mill Basin. Although Nick's doesn't make rolls, its lobster sandwich -- a mass of buttery, sweet steamed lobster meat, oddly but deliciously topped with a layer of seafood stuffing, the whole thing served on a big bun and baked in the oven -- is a formidable rival, and only $8.95.

At the raucous fried-fish feeding frenzy known as Johnny's Famous Reef in City Island, you can get four to five good-size lobster tails deep-fried or steamed with fries and coleslaw for $18 -- along with a sweeping view of Long Island Sound from the outdoor picnic-table patio.

Waiting for takeout in the pokey line outside Famous Fish Market, a defiantly unrenovated Harlem hole-in-the-wall, might rankle even a stoic New Englander. But the fabulous $4.50 mess of peppery battered fried whiting and fries (with a splash of hot sauce from a Snapple bottle with a hole punched in the lid) is worth the wait.

THE LOBSTER PLACE, 75 Ninth Ave., near 15th St. (212-255-5872); NICK'S LOBSTER, 2777 Flatbush Ave., Brooklyn (718-253-7117); JOHNNY'S FAMOUS REEF, 2 City Island Ave., Bronx (718-885-2086); FAMOUS FISH MARKET, 684 St. Nicholas Ave., near 145th St. (212-491-8323).

POCKET SCIENCE
Perfect pita sandwiches

Anyone who's confined his pita-sandwich consumption to MacDougal Street and street carts is likely suffering from a common misperception: If you've had one shawarma, you've had 'em all. Disabuse yourself of that notion by ordering the succulent Yemenite-Israeli poultry version at Olympic Pita, a bustling kosher restaurant in Midwood, Brooklyn. The flavorful amalgam of chicken and turkey is sliced off the spit and rolled up in a pita or -- better yet -- a sesame-seeded lafah, the blistered and blackened brick-oven bread resilient enough to contain the juicy, flavorful meat and the awesome sauces (a dangerously spicy, cilantro-based zhoug and a sweet-and-sour mango condiment called amba). The sandwich price ($6.99 for pita, $7.99 for lafah) includes a salad bar, with all manner of crunchy shawarma add-ons like sour pickles, radishes, pickled turnips, and delectably oily deep-fried eggplant.

Happily, shawarma is nondenominational, which makes for an easy transition from the Israeli to the Lebanese version, rendered to delicious effect at Karam in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. The flavor-packed meat is loaded onto a pita, then slathered with a garlicky white sauce that permeates the whole shebang once it's rolled up and smooshed in a sandwich press. Then it's unwrapped, garnished with parsley, pickled turnips, lettuce, and tomato and re-rolled into a $4 meal that will make you forget about falafel forever -- that is, until you get to Alfanoose, a low-key Lebanese-Syrian falafel joint near Wall Street that shares Karam's technique of rolling (burrito-style) rather than stuffing fresh, tasty ingredients into a pliant pita. We love the everything-in-one-bite effect, which works equally well with falafel, shawarma, and Alfanoose's signature vegetarian kibbeh, an egg-shaped croquette of bulgur wheat filled with Swiss chard and chili peppers ($3.25-$4.75).

OLYMPIC PITA, 1419 Coney Island Ave., Brooklyn (718-258-6222); KARAM, 8519 Fourth Ave., Brooklyn (718-745-5227); ALFANOOSE, 150 Fulton St. (212-528-4669).