William Bennett must be having conniptions: Not only did Jackass: The Movie shoot to No. 1 last week, but now the much-awaited sequel to the hit video game Grand Theft Auto is out (and flying out of stores). Players of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City must shoot, steal, and screw to gain money and power. Purely in an effort to ascertain just how low entertainment can go these days, we put film and game to the test: Is it more culturally depraved to spend an hour and change watching Johnny Knoxville mangling himself or to play a bloodthirsty virtual drug dealer?
Ten minutes have elapsed . . .
Jackass: Johnny Knoxville and crew go joyriding on a hijacked shopping cart.
Vice City: You steal a police car after a drug deal gone sour leads to a mob massacre.
Jackass: G-string-clad "Party Boy Japan" causes panic at a Tokyo department store.
Vice City: You start a labor riot among disgruntled factory workers by slaughtering four of them with a screwdriver.
Jackass: Knoxville, in old-man getup, sails through busy intersection on an "elder scooter" screaming, "My brakes! My brakes!"
Vice City: After butchering a helpless senior citizen with a meat cleaver, you steal her money and buy your first 9-mm. gun.
Jackass: Steve-O snorts wasabi, vomits onto a plate of sushi.
Vice City: You find mystery drugs, take them, and fall head first down a flight of stairs.
Jackass: Steve-O humps a whale shark underwater.
Vice City: After having sex with a prostitute, you shoot off her arms and legs and steal back your cash, winning both Health and Money points.
Jackass -- by a hair. After all, they're actually doing this stuff, even if you shouldn't.