Intelligencer

Martha’s Little Would-Be Helpers

Who wants to work for—or be fired by—Martha Stewart? Jacob Bernstein spoke with hopefuls auditioning for her apprentice show.

By Jacob Bernstein
Published Feb 14, 2005

Ana Alarcon
45, unemployed
Favorite Martha product: Her gardening kit. “It’s $79, and all the pieces are high-quality. She guarantees them.”
What would you bring to Martha’s company: I love Martha. I bought her stock when it was going straight down, and now it’s worth four times that. I think the future is in the Hispanic market. I would suggest more Latin recipes, maybe some shows in Spanish.
Have you ever been fired: No. I usually leave.

Larry Reilly
37, owner of Pet Taxi
Favorite Martha product: Her kitchen utensils (“particularly the cookie sheets”).
What would you bring to Martha’s company: I have a great imagination. Donald Trump’s show—anyone can sell a building. But to turn a mufﬁn into a billion-dollar business takes brains. I’d love to do a Martha Stewart pet line.
Have you ever been fired:Yes, right after college I was fired by a very mean, nasty woman boss.

Jennifer Hyland
26, temp
Favorite Martha product: Her towels.
What would you bring to Martha’s company: Me, I’m an amazing person. Me. And I’m constantly complimented on my ability to decorate and prepare meals, even make salad dressing.
Have you ever been fired: Like, every single job I’ve ever had. I got fired from Starbucks in Manhasset. You can use the name because I don’t like them.

(Photo: Jacob Bernstein)

Jeff Brenner
37, club promoter, Kurfew Entertainment
Favorite Martha product: She had a really great scallops recipe for breakfast.
What would you bring to Martha’s company: She needs someone with a marketing background.
Have you ever been fired from a job: Yes. I came out. Forty-eight hours later they fired me . . . I sense intuitively that [my being gay] wouldn’t make a difference to Martha one way or another.