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Bill O'Reilly vs. Al Franken... Cindy Crawford's Noise... Patty Hearst's Daughter on the Catwalk...

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WITH ELIZABETH SPIERS

Monster Bash
The after-party for the premiere of Party Monster, a film about the 1996 murder of drug dealer Angel Melendez by club kid michael alig, resembled a scene from the movie. Actors Macaulay Culkin, seth green, and natasha lyonne mingled with downtown denizens like plastic-surgery poster child amanda lepore, author james st. james, and Heatherette designer richie rich. chloë sevigny said it wasn’t a stretch for her to assume the role of club girl Gitsie. “I knew Michael Alig and Angel and the whole cast of characters,” she said. “But I was pretty low on the club food chain. There was a hierarchy, and I was on the bottom.”

Fear Factor: Harvard Man
Fox commentator Bill O’Reilly says he didn’t read media critic Jack Shafer’s Slate article chronicling his profligate use of the phrase shut up. “O’Reilly uses it as a place-holder for an idea still formulating in his brain,” Shafer wrote. “As a way to begin a sentence, end it, or punctuate it.” We asked O’Reilly if he had seen the article, secretly hoping he’d tell us to shut up. “I don’t read Slate!” he snapped. “Why would I read that?” Some people, we pointed out, consider it a legitimate news venue. “I read ten newspapers a day!” he barked. O’Reilly also informed us that Harvard’s Kennedy School is “considering taking action” against Al Franken for using Shorenstein Center stationery to send a satirical letter to John Ashcroft soliciting a story about abstinence. This was news to Shorenstein Center director Alex Jones. “What does he mean by ‘taking action’?” snorted Jones. “It was a very foolish mistake, but Franken apologized, and that should be the end of it.”

Battle of the Boîte: Bloomberg News
We hear celebrity chefs Eric Ripert and tom colicchio are competing for space in the new Bloomberg Inc. headquarters on Lexington Avenue between 58th and 59th Streets. Ripert says he has no intention of opening a Le Bernardin satellite: “But we would be seafood-oriented.”

Catwalkers: Radical Chic
Patty Hearst famously accessorized with a machine gun while helping to rob a bank in 1974, but her 19-year-old daughter, Lydia Hearst, will be shooting for a decidedly less radical look when she makes her catwalk debut this weekend. The budding socialite tells us she’ll strut her stuff in designer Zang Toi’s Bryant Park show, modeling his ready-to-wear and couture collections.

Village People: Back to Schul
The Lubavitchers of the East End have a new home. We hear Ron Perelman has helped bankroll the strictly observant Jewish sect’s $2.75 million purchase of Centennial House on Woods Lane at the entrance to the Village of East Hampton. It sits next to a property the group bought with Perelman’s help last year, amid protests from tony neighbors like Allen “Lizzie’s dad” Grubman. The adjacent house was recently razed, and now a mikvah (a ritual cleansing bath) is being built on the leveled lot.

Camp Followers: But Is It Art?
Rumor has it that Susan Sontag wrote one of the songs on fischerspooner’s next album. It does seem odd that the 70-year-old author would be teaming up with twentysomething hipsters with a taste for ironic eighties fashions, but Sontag was spotted at the #1 album-release party. Speaking of ironic, recently appointed New York Times Magazine editor Gerald Marzorati panned the group as “bad camp” in March, quoting from Sontag’s famous essay “Notes on Camp.” (Perhaps this is all just one big ironic, campy joke?)

Model Home
The disgruntled downstairs neighbors of Cindy Crawford and her husband, Rande Gerber, may finally get some peace and quiet now that the glamorous duo have put their three-bedroom East 70th Street apartment on the market for $6.95 million. In 2001, the neighbors filed suit against the couple, citing “intolerable noises,” including “telephones ringing, closet doors opening and closing, toilets flushing, baths running, heels pounding.” The complaints prompted Gerber to joke to one newspaper, “Cindy said I’d better take down the disco ball.” Corcoran broker Robby Browne declined to comment.


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