Intelligencer

David vs. Liza

Smash! Pow! Oooww, stop that! How should Gest and Minnelli resolve their differences?

By Jada Yuan

Michael Musto, Village Voice columnist: “After making up at a romantic performance of The Boy From Oz, they should remarry and have all the guests throw lamps instead of rice.”

Karen Finley, who’s channeled Liza onstage: “Now might be a good time for that reality-TV show.”

Donald Trump: “David should make passionate love to Liza as a show of good faith and friendship. Then he should drop his demand for the 10 million bucks.”

Dr. Joyce Brothers: “If I were Liza, I would spend the money to send him to another country on the condition that he never return.”

Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club: “Nude fighting, maybe with an Internet simulcast.”

Michael West, Liza impersonator: “He should get custody of Lorna, but only if he loses.”

Don King, boxing promoter: “I’d be happy to mediate. We will bring it to the floor and resolve it with love, kisses, and understanding, and if that don’t work, get in the ring and make it a lovers’ quarrel with 22-ounce gloves. If she’s got the bottle, we can get him some headgear and see if we can’t put them on an equal playing field. But Liza’s a slam dunk. She’s a fait accompli.”