Patrick McCarthy, editorial director, W: “Anything he wants. He’s smart, talented, and rich—and that’s a lethal combination.”
Betsey Johnson, designer: “He’s gorgeous! He should go to Hollywood and become a Cary Grant– type movie star. But for the sole purpose of seeing him walk around in a Speedo, I want him to be the pool boy at my house near Zihuatanejo.”
Mickey Boardman, editor, Paper: “Tom should get his own Queer Eye–style show where he teaches Abercrombie-wearing gays to grow five o’clock shadow and strike sexy paparazzi poses. Or just leave fashion and star in a series of ultra-arty soft-core porn movies.”
Gloria Gaynor, survivor–disco diva: “He should team up with me because he’s got the name that kept Gucci alive and I’ve got the name that will survive, and with two heads full of creative ideas, we’re sure to thrive.”
Aaron Hicklin, editor, Black Book: “He can direct porn, but he can’t act in it. He’s past his prime. Or start a charity for abused fashion victims.”
Simon Doonan, creative director, Barneys: “Everyone’s expecting something ultrasexy, so why not join a seminary? If Madonna can dive into the Kabbalah, Tom can take the cloth.”