Intelligencer

Tale of the Tape

How can Paris salvage her image this time?

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By Jada Yuan

Lizzie Grubman, PR: “How has it damaged her image to begin with? Paris is in the entertainment industry; she’s not running for public office. Paris’s entire image is based on Paris being Paris. She’ll handle this just fine.”

Al Goldstein, pornographer: “Marry me! I’m like USDA meat. If she’s with me, she’s not just a party girl, she’s approved as a party girl. Actually, that may not help her.”

Larry Flynt, founder, Hustler: “Go fight in Iraq.”

Lewis Black, comedian, The Daily Show: “I’m more interested in seeing the sex tapes of George Bush and the entire cabinet, just to believe that they’re human. Paris should deal with this the way everyone tries to who’s reached that kind of low point. Find God immediately. Join the 700 Club, become a nun, or just stand on the street corner with a Bible.”

Choire Sicha, editor, Gawker.com: “She should become a war correspondent, maybe for Gotham magazine. That shade of night vision is truly appealing on her.”

Heidi Fleiss, former madam: “God bless her. She’s responsible for more breakups than anyone since Marilyn Monroe. My problem is that she should be charging. I see her and I think, Oh, I’d be making an awful lot of money.”