Intelligencer

Green Acres

If Paris can benefit from the simple life (a big if), who else should be shipped off to the farm?

By Jada Yuan
Published Dec 8, 2003

Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress: “It’s me, darling! I love animals—I have six dogs, four little Shih Tzus—and I’d love to live on a farm.”

Peter Geiger, editor, The Farmers’ Almanac: “Donald Trump. I could see him milking cows. I would watch.”

Hal Espen, editor, Outside: “Tina Brown. I left The New Yorker a little burnt out and spent almost a year on a wilderness ranch in Oregon, and Tina really did not grasp what the fuck I was doing. I’d be deeply curious to see what might ensue if she downshifted to a more bovine pace—from an Anthony Trollope mode to a Raymond Carver dirty-realism existence. I might even send Graydon Carter with her and no tobacco. Maybe they’d go to an Amish farm to bicker. It would be like Witness.”

Jeff Probst, host, Survivor: “Simon Cowell, because the way that guy can shovel it, he’d be right at home.”

Barry Benepe, founder of Greenmarket: “The mayor. In the morning he’d load the truck with produce and come to work on that instead of the subway.”

Todd Smith, editor, Outdoor Life magazine: “Yoko Ono. She needs to experience life in the better Dakota—North Dakota. Or Donald Trump. It would give him an appreciation for unobstructed views and wide-open spaces.”