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Green Acres

If Paris can benefit from the simple life (a big if), who else should be shipped off to the farm?


Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress: “It’s me, darling! I love animals—I have six dogs, four little Shih Tzus—and I’d love to live on a farm.”

Peter Geiger, editor, The Farmers’ Almanac: “Donald Trump. I could see him milking cows. I would watch.”

Hal Espen, editor, Outside: “Tina Brown. I left The New Yorker a little burnt out and spent almost a year on a wilderness ranch in Oregon, and Tina really did not grasp what the fuck I was doing. I’d be deeply curious to see what might ensue if she downshifted to a more bovine pace—from an Anthony Trollope mode to a Raymond Carver dirty-realism existence. I might even send Graydon Carter with her and no tobacco. Maybe they’d go to an Amish farm to bicker. It would be like Witness.”

Jeff Probst, host, Survivor: “Simon Cowell, because the way that guy can shovel it, he’d be right at home.”

Barry Benepe, founder of Greenmarket: “The mayor. In the morning he’d load the truck with produce and come to work on that instead of the subway.”

Todd Smith, editor, Outdoor Life magazine: “Yoko Ono. She needs to experience life in the better Dakota—North Dakota. Or Donald Trump. It would give him an appreciation for unobstructed views and wide-open spaces.”


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