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Divas of Dish

Walls: I'm sorry the Senate campaign turned out to be such a dud. It had such gossip potential.

Molloy: Lazio's wife looks a lot older than he does. That makes me very suspicious.

Musto: Maybe he's seeing Judith Nathan on the side. Laughter.

M.R.: Have any of you ever been sued?

Musto: No.

Molloy: No.

Walls: Silence.

Smith: Well, I've been threatened a lot.

Musto: I was threatened by D. B. Sweeney. How sad is that? And a washed-up former club kid named Julie Jewels.

Molloy: What on earth could you say to malign Julie Jewels?

Musto: I didn't mention her. Laughter.

Smith: One of the most dangerous things you can do is to write a blind item. My worst blind item was about a talk-show host who was going to come out. I thought that that was okay. And I was really sure this was going to happen. But nothing happened. And then Oprah called a press conference and said, "I'm not gay; I'm not coming out." I never said she was gay. I never even said it was a woman. But Oprah never spoke to me again.

Musto: Everybody thought it was Oprah.

Smith: But it wasn't. It was insane of Oprah to react like that! I've never written another blind item.

Musto: Who was it, then?

Smith: I'm not going to tell you. They didn't come out, of course, so they're entitled to stay in. And I'm entitled to suck a big egg!

M.R.: Have you ever been offered a bribe to write or spike an item?

Smith: No one's met my price!

Molloy: Some gossip columnists receive fur coats and jewelry and things like that. But people are smoother now. Now they try to kill items by bribing you with other items.

Smith: That's how the National Enquirer succeeded for so long. They blackmail people with terrible stories, and then a lot of people cooperate by giving them stories on other people or on themselves.

Molloy: Suddenly you're having a private tour of Burt Reynolds's house.

Walls: One time, Tommy Mottola offered to help me get a recording contract.

Molloy: Can you sing, Jeannette?

Walls: Not at all. He offered a singing contract to Cindy Adams too. Laughter.

M.R.: Who's the most hateful celebrity you can think of?

Molloy: Sean Penn calls to yell at you even if you write something positive. . . . I had a friend that went to a small party at his house, and he was looking for the bathroom, and he opens the door, and there was Sean Penn lying horizontal with a woman who was not Robin Wright Penn. So we ran it.

Walls: He got upset about that?! Laughs.

Molloy: So he calls me up infuriated, and he kept saying, "I am a family man!"

Walls: Why didn't you think of that when you were shtupping that woman, huh!? Kill the messenger! Laughs.

Molloy: Julia Roberts can be horrible. She's very difficult, and her publicist is even worse. She plays George and me off each other. If I do a critical story on her, she sends flowers to George. I'm not kidding. And he's like, "Joanna, she's not that bad."

Walls: Who sends flowers? Julia or the publicist?

Molloy: Ostensibly Julia. It's like those 100-white-tulips numbers with vase. Annoying!

Musto: Hard to pass up a hundred white tulips.

Walls: Especially from Julia Roberts.

Molloy: With a note!

Walls: I hate the celebrities who have the hubris disease, who have to comment on everything, they're just so egotistical.

Molloy: You know what bugged me? When Fran Drescher came out all weepy after Princess Di got killed, and she said: "I have trouble with paparazzi, too." Thanks for sharing.

Musto: Or excuse me, how about Sharon Stone sending out a press release saying "I've given up my gun" in the wake of Columbine. She was actually trying to get publicity out of Columbine! Like anyone gave a shit about her gun, except her husband, who should be afraid.

Walls: Most actors crave publicity, however much they piss and moan about it. They're like heroin addicts. They complain constantly about how fame ruins their lives, but the truth is they can't live without it. Whenever they go for a while without it, they've got to get another little fix.

Molloy: Mess up a hotel room.

Musto: Or wear see-through clothes.

M.R.: Who's the biggest press whore?

Walls, Molloy, Musto: Madonna!

Musto: She's so disingenuous! You just wonder, if you sent her to New Zealand, would she come back dressed as a Maori Indian with a bone through her nose? She just superficially absorbs whatever's around her and spits it out. I don't think she's that much of a press whore anymore, but she attained legendary Press Whore Hall of Fame status.

Walls: I liked her more when she was a press whore and admitted to it. Now she's doing the whole Anglophile thing. . . .

Musto: Ugh! Forget it!

Walls: The whole fake accent . . . Imitates it. And she was telling me, "Oh, I could really use . . ."

Musto: ". . . a pint of lager."

Walls: ". . . a pint of lager and a snap of crisps." Everyone laughs. We all liked it a lot better when you did the street thing, honey!