High Anxiety

Of course, meeting a prospective mate is only half the battle. Once they manage to snag a partner, almost half of the New Yorkers surveyed complained, maintaining a relationship here is harder than elsewhere (in part because New Yorkers are less committed to monogamy). When it comes to maintaining relationships, gays are as skeptical as straights.

What’s the biggest obstacle to finding a mate? A third of the unattached (34 percent) complained that they can’t meet the right kind of people; a fifth (21 percent) said they just don’t have time to look.

Women in their thirties are especially skeptical. Thirty-three percent have given up on dating. And 19 percent haven’t had sex in the past year.

For New Yorkers, and especially for women in their thirties, marriage is less important -- or less obtainable -- than it has traditionally been. Overall, nearly one in five single New Yorkers don’t want to get married, including 29 percent of women in their thirties and 23 percent of men in their thirties.

Men and women respondents in their twenties, however, are still overwhelmingly interested in marriage. Only 16 percent of them said they don’t want to get married.

The Hunt

If the preferred way to meet someone during the swinging seventies was in a bar or a nightclub, those looking for Mr. Goodbar these days would be better off planting themselves seductively by the water cooler at work.

To determine how New Yorkers typically meet, we asked respondents where they met the last person they dated and where they generally meet the people they end up dating. Thirty percent of all respondents said they meet dates through friends. Women in their twenties are the most likely to take that route.

But 19 percent of our sample said they met the last person they dated through work. And there’s clearly more than number-crunching and networking going on: 39 percent said they’ve had sex with a co-worker.

The statistic may not seem quite so surprising when you learn that to a great many New Yorkers, a good career is as essential as a good love life. Why not combine the two? When asked what is more important to them, a good job or a good partner, respondents were almost evenly divided. Forty-six percent favor a good partner, compared with 44 percent who said their top priority is a good job.

But not everyone is meeting at the company cafeteria. Singles reported some success at bars and clubs (17 percent met their last date at one). Those who can’t afford the cover charge at Life may do almost as well heading to the nearest IRT station. For younger people, even the most casual encounters can lead to dates and relationships. One in ten 21-to-29-year-old New Yorkers met the last person they dated on the subway or the street, compared with just 4 percent of those over 30.