13 You remember how you felt about tourists coming to New York after 9/11. Even though you thought it might somehow feel wrong, it somehow felt right.Now you’d like to go to Madrid.
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14 You and your wife both retired last year. Now you’ve got nothing but time. You’ve always wanted to go to India, but you’ve never been farther than Curry Hill. Bombay and Delhi are too obvious. You want something more exotic.
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15 You are an architecture and design geek. You’ve been to Bilbao; you’ve seen the Villa Savoye. Now you keep hearing about Houston. Houston?
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16 You’re planning a family reunion. Your brother the narcissistic surgeon was too busy. Your sister the installation artist was “in a bad head space.” Which left it to you to come up with something—when it was their stupid idea to begin with.
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17 You are a rising corporate star. Headhunters have been calling for a year with offers, but this time, you bit: double your salary, an office overlooking the Hudson, equity partnership. You negotiated a week off between jobs, and you’d definitely like to celebrate. But if you were the type to lie on a beach, you wouldn’t have landed this gig in the first place.
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18 You’re single—and looking. But you don’t want to go on some sleazy pickup trip.
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19Microsoft wants to buy your software start-up, but only if you come with. You’re ready to cash in, but are you ready to abandon Manhattan for Seattle? It’s Thursday—Microsoft needs a yes or no by Monday. You have three days to decide.
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20 Your daughter is 2. Until now, you’ve been maintaining the illusion that a vacation is a time to sleep in, sip espresso in a Belleville café, and have sex on 400-thread-count sheets in the middle of the afternoon. But after last year’s “vacation”—no nanny, no sleep, certainly no sex—you realize that it’s time to give in to the all-inclusive package deal, child care included.
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21 Last year on St. Barts, you stayed in a $600-a-night hotel a coconut’s throw from people living in tin-roof shacks. The cognitive dissonance made your head hurt. This year, you’d like your island sun and fun without the fuss—or bourgeois guilt.
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22 Soho is so eighties. Chelsea is so nineties. Long Island City is so aughts. But you want to see some art, maybe even buy a little something, and you don’t have the time or money to fly to Florence.
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23 You’re having an affair. You can convince your husband it’s a business trip, but you’d better be damn sure that you and your other significant other don’t run into anyone you know.
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24 You’re sending the kids to summer camp in the Adirondacks. Remember summer camp? Color war, capture the flag, the girls across the lake . . . But wait, if you’re dropping off the kids, that means you and your wife are on your own. In the Adirondacks!
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25 You’re having wardrobe issues. Serious wardrobe issues. Midlife-crisis-size wardrobe issues. For the first time, you’re even contemplating that most decadent of retail adventures: the Paris weekend shopping spree.
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