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17 Cocktail-Party Talking Points

Hamptons Chatter

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1 "If the Poxabogue golf course adds a 26,000-square-foot miniature-golf course, will that turn Sagaponack into Coney Island?"

2 "Is Peter Cook a really good architect or just a trophy husband?"

3 "Just because they're registered in Manhattan, why shouldn't second-home owners who pay taxes on the East End vote in local elections?"

4 "Real-estate prices are . . . (a) slipping, (b) holding, (c) still gratifyingly obscene."

5 "Do you know how much I paid for lobster salad at Loaves and Fishes?" (For East End novices only. The correct answer is "Yes.")

6 "Why with all the Jews out here isn't there a single good Chinese restaurant?"

7 "Is that Shoshanna Lonstein or the girl who washed my hair at Kevin Maple?"

8 "Why do I tip $20 to get a table at the Palm if I still have to wait an hour?"

9 "I'll say it again: The Ross Institute is the single greatest act of philanthropy on the East End."

10 "I'll say it again: The Ross Institute is the single greatest ego trip on the East End."

11 "If Sagg Main Street is declared a National Historic Landmark district, will it protect property values? Or will it just mean that we'll need permission to paint our shutters?"

12 "What are all those cars doing parked at Two Mile Hollow Beach at 3 a.m.?"

13 "Is Alec Baldwin a misunderstood well-meaning jerk or is he just a jerk?"

14 "Who reads all those free magazines in the Hamptons, anyway? And why isn't my picture in any of them?"

15 "Isn't Martha Stewart dating anybody?"

16 "How can I get into the VIP tent at Polo?"

17 "How can I get out of the VIP tent at Polo?"

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