Can anyone learn to be funny? Well, for the right price, apparently. The soon-to-open Humber Comedy Center promises to be "the first Juilliard-style comedy school of its kind anywhere in the world," with course offerings such as stand-up comedy, commercial audition technique, and sitcom writing. The punch line? Tuition is $8,500.
* "It's utterly absurd. I cannot think of a worse idea, a more misleading idea, and I have no sympathy for anybody who loses $8,500 to P. T. Barnum. You would wind up being as funny as James Lipton. It is charlatanism to charge that amount of money. It's like an evangelist robbing a grandma." -- Janeane Garofalo
* "What are they gonna do? Teach a bunch of morons to be funny? Come on! You're learning how to recite your résumé: 'I went to Comedy Mellon, the Juilliard of stand-up.' I hate it! But are they teaching pratfalls? 'Cause I always kind of wish I'd learned to do that stuff." -- Rick Shapiro
* "Imagine the conversations in the hall: 'I've got Phyllis Diller third period. Who do you have?' And what do you get when you graduate? A fatty suit and a red nose?" -- Amy Sedaris