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How to Have a Fling

Form a limited partnership

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The first rule of a summer fling is that your partner be seasonally appropriate. The ideal candidate will have at least one of the following: beach house, roof deck, balcony, back garden with grill, car, boccie-ball set, access to the Soho House pool, A/C, hot beach body, margarita skills, or a best friend with any of the above. It’s easy to forgive somebody’s foibles when he’s driving you to his Catskills cabin in an open-topped 1975 Buick LeSabre.

Choose someone with a built-in expiration date. If NYU summer students are too young and SummerStage performers too transitory, then pick up someone in a place you’ll have no reason to frequent come September—the Jersey Shore, say. Call it site-specific dating. No poaching at your own time-share unless you’re willing to see the relationship through until Labor Day. If you find it crass to inquire about these requirements face-to-face, try trawling online personals for telling hints. Or tweak your own profile to attract someone who’s looking to share his assets for a season. For instance, “A roof deck is sexy; a private roof deck is sexier.” Or—venality or sexy candor? You make the call—“I’m looking for a summer fling with a beach house and a car.”

Then keep stress to a minimum. Learn to text-message—it’s the smoothest way to make a date. Don’t worry about how you look in a bathing suit; just strip and enjoy the suntan-lotion massages. Avoid meeting parents; skip furniture-shopping; and limit get-togethers to once a week. Expect it to end on or before the first day of fall—if it doesn’t, well, that’s just a pleasant surprise! Finally, be sure to have sex on a rooftop at least once. Otherwise, what’s the point?


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