And in fashion, comfy is in. Designers like Marc Jacobs and Miuccia
Prada have been showing pajama-ish eveningwear a far cry
from the bitchy, stretchy garments emblazoned relentlessly with
interlocking Gs (which might as well have been $'s) that we used
to think were so cool. Meanwhile, the aforementioned pocketbook
queen, Kate Spade, recently told a reporter she's been busy cooking
roast chicken and chocolate-chip cookies until one o'clock in the
morning in fits of domesticity.
In keeping with this new, grown-up mood, our poll suggests that
New Yorkers aren't simply more invested in relationships; we have
an increased commitment to all things cozy. Fifty-eight percent
of New Yorkers say that an evening spent nesting in their apartments
sounds more appealing than one spent going out on the town. "Before
September 11, going out was easier . . . the bars on Houston Street
used to be packed until two or three in the morning, and now they
are empty," says Richard Tsai, a 32-year-old furniture consultant
in Brooklyn. "It changed because people don't go out to have fun
like before." Says Heather Middleton, a 23-year-old financial-services
trader, "After September 11, I think I'm more focused on finding
a relationship; I've started thinking I should really meet someone
. . . I don't go out just to go out. I have to feel like it could
go somewhere."
She's not the only one. Thirty-four percent of our respondents
have dated less frequently and dated fewer people since September
11. "I've slowed down since 9/11," says 21-year-old Brooklynite
Cara Sentino. "I used to go out more often and meet guys in clubs.
Now I stay home more at night; I just feel like I haven't done that
in a while." Thirty-six percent of New Yorkers say that they are
now more likely to date with the express intention of entering a
relationship. "I am pickier," says Heather Middleton. "I don't want
to waste my time on someone who's not going to work out." And 35
percent of our respondents report having less casual sex than before.
Apparently, what we want now at one in the morning isn't hot, anonymous
sex; it's hot chocolate-chip cookies and chicken.
When we last polled New Yorkers about their sexual and romantic
habits, in 1998, 7 percent of respondents said they "almost always"
had sex on the first date and 8 percent reported they did so "very
often," compared with a mere 2 percent of "always" and 4 percent
of "often" now. That means that about half as many New Yorkers are
engaging in casual sex, at least the kind preceded by a date. "My
outlook is that I want to find someone and I want sex to mean more
than just sex," says 32-year-old Manhattanite Karen Jacobson. "After
the 11th, people realized that life was too short to expect certain
things . . . I don't care if I'm taken to a scene-y restaurant on
a date. Take me to an Irish pub and we'll just talk."
All of this didn't happen in a single, horrible
day. When we asked New Yorkers whether, since September 11, they've
been dating more, been dating for different reasons, been having
more casual sex, and become more interested in pursuing marriage
and family, for each of those questions, about half of our respondents
answered that their behavior has not changed. A whopping 81 percent
said that the qualities they look for in a mate haven't changed,
either.
That exhilarating moment when women were supposed to be the new
men and all the ladies'-night-style sexual opportunism that
implied seems to be slipping away. The women we polled were
considerably more gunned up about fusing into a post-September 11
domestic cocoon than the men. "The wish to be with someone is more
urgent," says Tina, a 29-year-old musicologist. "I am more drawn
to people who are open and sensitive and everyone seems to
be a little more open and sensitive since 9/11."
Fashion, in turn, has been getting increasingly diaphanous and
less scary for several seasons now. Rachel has been pregnant since
Monica and Chandler's wedding last spring. This season of Sex
and the City, which started on January 6, feels like a response
to September 11, but in actuality all six episodes were already
completed by then. The one reference to that day was unintentional:
Throughout the season, Carrie shakes a snow globe of lower Manhattan
when she's feeling contemplative the Twin Towers call out
to us every time she does it, but this is accidental poignancy.
Pop culture and, reciprocally, the American mood are always swinging
back and forth between the puritanical and the Dionysian
we stay too long in one place and suddenly the other looks fresh
(the ultimate entertainment-industry compliment) once again. So,
for the moment, Blahniks and sport-fucking seem tired and empty,
while wedded bliss looks chic and deep. Perhaps the happiest news
our poll provides is that while many New Yorkers have been dating
less than we had before September 11, the majority also say their
romantic lives have gotten better in the past few months. (New Yorkers
happier with less: no small feat.) And, whether or not we reach
the lofty new relationship goals we're setting, the good news is
that we are enjoying trying to get there.
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