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Illustration: Andy Friedman
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The Oblique and Indecipherable Phrase “Self-Sustaining”
Let’s add “line-caught” while we’re at it. And “hand-dived.” And “biodynamic.”
Tableside Service
An elaborate retro ceremony designed with one purpose only: to add a few extra bucks to your already stratospheric bill.
Communal Dining Tables
A nice idea in theory. But in practice, New Yorkers aren’t as well mannered as Amish dairy maids.
Boutique Hamburger Bars
What’s the next low-food fetish? Gourmet oatmeal troughs?
Reservation-Only Cocktail Bars
If you have to make a reservation to sit at the bar, then it’s not a bar.
Gastropubs
The Spotted Pig can stay. The rest of you can hurry back across the Atlantic.
Paying $2 for Your Designer Steak Sauce
Is a thimble of “Bourbon Peppercorn” two bucks better than ketchup? Nope.
Pickle Jars As a Decorative Motif
Maybe in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Not in Manhattan.
All Entrées Over $30
Especially considering we’re already paying $10 for a measly portion of green beans.
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