Illustration by Bella Foster

Mason Pickling Jars As Ornamentation
I know we’re all locavores now, but here’s the problem: Pickle jars are ugly.

Dish Towels Rolled Up As Place Napkins
See above.

Pseudo-Private Dining Clubs
It’s a genius marketing gimmick, but given the half-life of trendy restaurants, it can’t last.

Arcane Internet Reservation Systems
Yes, Mr. Chang, this means you.

“Composed” Entrées
Code for “pretentious.”

Chocolate Snobbery
Do we really care whether my overpriced sliver of extra-dark is 71 percent or 83 percent Columbian cacao?

Duck Fat
This trendy barnyard product works with fries. But is it really going to make your salmon fillet taste better?

Celebrity Butchers
What’s next? Celebrity chicken sexers?

Doughnut Holes as Gourmet Dessert
They’re not “bombolini” or “beignets” or “fritters.” They’re doughnuts, and we’re goddamned tired of them.

The Small-Plates Explosion
What began as a felicitous trend of the aughts has turned into a method for running up the check.

Pig Paraphernalia
Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Pork Decade has ended. Let’s look for a new beast to obsess about.

Related:

• Archive: “Cover Story”
• Articles by Adam Platt
• Table of Contents: Jan 4, 2010 issue of New York | Subscribe!