Here, Hold This Fake Smartphone and Calm Down About the New iPhones

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Digital detoxes” have become a thing as of late, and if you’re thinking of taking one, but are not sure what you’d do with your suddenly empty smartphone hand in the meantime, have we got a Kickstarter project for you. Introducing the NoPhone, a rectangular hunk of plastic that evidently weighs and feels much like an iPhone. 

If you’re feeling fancy, you can opt for the “selfie upgrade,” which is that same piece of plastic but with a mirror slapped on the back:

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Okay, yes, the NoPhone is a joke. The page is cluttered with things like fake “testimonials,” such as this one, from David H.:

I used to sleep with my phone in my hand, but my night terrors would cause me to hurl it across the room in an unconscious panic. With the NoPhone, I can still enjoy the comfort of holding a phone in my sleep, without waking up to a shattered screen. Thanks, NoPhone.” 

Still, people have already pledged nearly $5,000 to the thing since the Kickstarter page launched about a week ago. Most of these backers are probably people who just want to feel like they’re in on the joke, but the whole concept of the NoPhone neatly taps into fears of how “addicted” we’ve become to our phones. A recent Pew report found that nearly a third of cell-phone owners say their phone is “something they can’t imagine living without,” for example. And some newish research from Baylor University found that college students spend up to ten hours a day messing around on their phones.

Still have questions about the NoPhone? Not to worry. Here are your answers:

Does it have a camera?
No.

Is it Bluetooth compatible?
No.

Does it make calls?
No.

Is it toilet bowl resistant?
Yes.