Monday evening at 5 p.m., an app called Rumblr goes live. I’m going to use it to beat up a bajillion wimps. Described as “an app for recreational fighters to find, meet, and fight other brawl enthusiasts nearby,” Rumblr lets you find other people in your area who want to get their butts kicked.
(It’s right about now that you should be realizing this app is either a very bad idea or a marketing stunt for something else.)
Rumblr will apparently launch as a web app, and its creators say they are working on an iOS app. According to the NY Daily News, “the team was directly working with the iOS store to hash out legal issues preventing Rumblr’s approval.”
Here’s how it works: Users can set up a profile listing traits such as their physical stats and MMA specialties. They can then accept or reject fighters nearby, and if they both want to harm each other physically, then they get to chat.
Here is actual Rumblr marketing material, featuring user mattyice67 (who is not, it should be noted, holding a smartphone).
Once matched with someone you can trash-talk them and set up a time to fight. You also have the option to “Pussy Out.”
You can also broadcast your fight location, so that others can join. “With Rumblr Explore, anyone can browse and attend fights close by that other Rumblr users have arranged - all for free!” Sounds like a blast.
App mock-ups on the Rumblr site also list an Uber-type slider that lets users find fights under RumblrHER and RumblrGROUP.
I have requested access to Rumblr ahead of its launch and will report back after I have beaten up 10 billion losers.