Wrestler Dominates His Opponent, and the Internet, With His Magical Penis

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For 36-year-old professional wrestler Joey Ryan, defeating an opponent with the sheer power of his penis is either the pinnacle of his career or rock bottom. Either way, the video of his … unique finishing move has gone viral, and the internet is eating it up.

Ryan has been an independent pro-wrestling staple for roughly 15 years, fighting in a half-dozen leagues — including the WWE — and more recently hooking up with upstart West Coast league Paragon Pro Wrestling, whose heavyweight title he claimed back in October. He’s also been fighting overseas, and in November, he brought his sleazy persona to Japan’s DDT Pro Wrestling league.

That’s the source of the now-infamous video, which has been viewed nearly 400,000 times and discussed on ESPN’s Highly Questionable.

Ryan explained the match to Vice Sports, for people who may not be familiar with pro wrestling. Or Japan. And according to Ryan, the crotch-grab idea actually came from his opponent, Danshoku Dino:

He plays a very unorthodox character, very homoerotic to say the least. Part of his offense is to inappropriately touch and grab opponents for the thrill of it, or maybe to throw them off their game a bit. He speaks very little English, but wrestlers can usually speak wrestling, so we understand something. So we’re going over the match and he says “Maybe I grab, maybe you no sell, because American cock so big and so strong.” So it was kind of his idea. We both play sexual characters so it fit with us.

The announcers got into it, too, shouting, “He’s got a hold of it … but wait! ‘This is America!’ … Gotta hand it to him, it’s way different than a Japanese one!”

Ryan, who was previously best known for sucking on a Blow Pop in the ring — and doing creatively disgusting things with it for shock value — is confident the dick move seen ‘round the world will only help grow his reputation. More than the “wrestling” part of pro wrestling, anyway.

If you think about it, this video that went viral probably did more for my career than a bunch of the bumps I’ve taken that have probably permanently damaged my body,” he told Vice.

Ryan is already cashing in on his viral fame, too, advertising a “testicular strength!” T-shirt that bears a cartoon drawing of the incident. Truly incredible.

For 36-year-old professional wrestler Joey Ryan, defeating an opponent with the sheer power of his penis is either the pinnacle of his career or rock bottom. Either way, the video of his … unique finishing move has gone viral, and the internet is eating it up.