“When life gives you lemons,” we used to say, “make lemonade.” It is 2016, and cultural and technological advancements have rendered that old saw obsolete. Now it is: “If life gives you a bad neighbor having loud, unbearable sex, make internet #content.” Such a situation befell Uproxx writer Stacey Ritzen this week, and she gamely rose to the occasion, tweeting an audio recording of her neighbor’s shrieking orgasms.
Twenty minutes later, the neighbor was still at it, shrieking like an Otamatone on its highest-pitched setting. Or, as The Daily Mail colorfully put it when it picked up this story about someone having sex with (probably) a bus driver in Philadelphia: It sounded like the woman was being murdered.
But Ritzen assured curious parties that’s not what was happening.
And the screaming just went on. And on. And almost an hour later, it started up again. Hand to God:
No one really wins here: not the the woman being shamed for indiscreetly enjoying a sexual encounter, nor the one who works from home and had to suffer the unwanted sounds.
Of course, Ritzen’s Uproxx colleagues turned the incident into a post for the site, so someone did ultimately benefit from the miserable incident. Whether writing for the internet or loudly banging a bus driver, we’re all just flawed humans trying to do our best in a mad and confusing world.