President Obama Decisively Weighs In on Dog Pants

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A house divided cannot stand. For weeks now, Americans have been debating a key question that will decide where this nation is headed. That question is not about tax rates or social justice or military interventionism. It is about dog pants. 

The question, of course, was first asked last month, in a simple but powerful drawing reminiscent of the famed political cartoons that first led our nation on its path to freedom. It is a direct and important question: If a dog wore pants, on which legs would he wear them?

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In a YouTube Q&A with vlogger sWooZie today, President Barack Obama took a stand on the controversy. His verdict? That dog pants would only cover the hind legs — a show of bipartisanship as Obama tacked right. He did not hesitate in his choice. He acted with courage and conviction, rationally and definitively.

Speaking about the four-pant-legged monstrosity, the commander-in-chief said, "It’s a little too conservative."

Our president made the correct choice, of course, because we all know that front legs are arms, and do not need pants.