Feds Accidentally Make Hoverboards Cool by Declaring Them Unsafe

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Photo: Adam Taylor/ABC

This week, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has reached the conclusion that every single hoverboard currently on the market is unsafe. Mashable is reporting that, yesterday, “The CPSC sent out an official notice to retailers, manufacturers and importers with new hoverboard safety standards.” The notice also called for noncompliant hoverboards to be taken off the market.

Hoverboards are independently certified as compliant by Underwriters Laboratories, an independent testing firm used by many electronics manufacturers. Earlier this month, UL introduced a new hoverboard protocol that all manufacturers now have to follow.

The CPSC, the government agency that’s always recalling strollers and stuff, considers devices “that do not meet the safety standards referenced above to be defective, and that they may present a substantial product hazard.”

By the transitive property, hoverboards are now also cool as hell. By owning one, you are looking death straight in the eyes and saying, “Try me.” Do you remember when Felix Baumgartner fell 24 miles to Earth, breaking the sound barrier during free fall? That’s basically hoverboard owners now.