The World’s Most Pretentious Coffee-Shop Accessory Will Cost You $500

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In the Not Every Kick Needs to Be Started Department: Do you have trouble concentrating on your writing when there are all these stupid extra features on your computer? Do you have $500 burning a hole through your leg? Then the Freewrite (which was called, horrifyingly, the Hemingwrite during its Kickstarter) is perfect for you.

If you’ve been carting a MacBook Air to the coffee shop to work on your screenplay/novel/to-do list (item: “- write screenplay”), you know that you’re just one of dozens. Why not stand out from the crowd with a $500 keyboard? It says “I have money to spare” and “I am convinced that a gadget will solve my self-control problems.”

The experience starts with a full-size mechanical keyboard, one built on top of wonderfully clacky Cherry MX Brown switches,” Wired gushes. “Right above it, a smartphone-size e-ink display. It’s a durable machine, with an aluminum body and an honest-to-goodness handle that flips out from under the display. You don’t need to upload to the cloud; you can also save ‘over one million pages’ of documents in plain text format to the Freewrite’s internal drive.”

Look at that thing. It’s a keyboard with an iPod Touch-size screen so you can read your Great American Novel one paragraph at a time — so useful that they included the feature to save “over one million pages.” $500. Enjoy!