This Pricey and Totally Not Creepy Mattress Will Notify You If Someone Has Sex in Your Bed

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You’ve made your bed, now walk away and wait for your phone to notify you if anybody else lies in it.

This is the bold, beautiful, useless idea behind the Durmet Smarttress, a tech-enabled bed so strange I double-checked my calendar to make sure today wasn’t April Fools’ Day. (It’s not.)

Here’s the deal: The bed, which retails for a cool $1750, includes vibration sensors in the springs and sends a notification to your phone if those sensors are triggered. Smarttress will then break things down further, using a speedometer to analyze “intensity and impact per minute.”

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Because that is exactly what everyone with a cheating spouse is looking for: data.

The global infidelity crisis knocks on your door,” proclaims this Smarttress promotional video, complete with some steamy footage and a dramatic tune that can only be described as the orchestral love child of The Da Vinci Code and Pirates of the Caribbean.

In case you’re still doubting that such a product actually exists (I wouldn’t blame you), here’s a look at the bed in action at an event in Madrid earlier this April. The actual beds are still in the production phase, a Smarttress representative told Re/code.

All in, Smarttress sounds like a totally foolproof and cost-efficient method to find out if your partner is cheating, since people never have sex anywhere other than their own beds.