Earlier today, Twitter announced a series of changes to how it handles tweets. Chief among them was the revelation that tweets beginning with “.@” — the convention that forced replies into the timelines of people who didn’t follow both accounts in a given conversation — would no longer be needed. The change was celebrated by the many who hated this convention … but did it really solve anything? Below, a verse exploration of the change, inspired by Robert Louis Stevenson.
Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave and let it die.
Bad did you live and badly die,
We lay thee down unchill.
This be the verse we grave for thee:
Here lies where .@ ought to be;
Home is the sailor from the thirsty sea,
And the attention-hunter home from the hill.
In 2016, twenty-fourth May
“Express even more,” did Twitter say.
“Annoy your followers in a different way!”
But there was one ray of light.
“Goodbye, .@,” Todd announced.
The dreaded! horrid! demon! trounced!
Quickly on the news I pounced;
Was my enemy now out of sight?
“Period-at,” Twitter’s affliction,
Ruiner of jokes, betrayer of diction,
A terrible way to combat a restriction,
I will never forget your bad tweets.
Here’s you: “.@Pontifex you up?”
Thirst o’rflowing from eager cup.
You again: “.@BernieSanders sup?”
May you never forget your defeats.
“SEE ME DOING JOKES?,” you cry,
Desperation gleaming in your eye.
“I think mine were funny?” — oh, how you lie
You weren’t funny, believe me!!!!!!!!!
Also, you know what else was bad?
When you’d .@ people who made you mad
Your Twitter-set Battle of Stalingrad
Man, no one cares about your fight with Time Warner or United Airlines or some Trump devotee!!!
Finally: Peace from Twitter’s worst
Tweets rudely public due to thirst
My timeline no longer coerced
To show tweets I don’t want.
But wait: Public at-replies — supported?
By these Twitter “improvements” (purported)?
A potentially good idea, thwarted!
Now a specter, .@ haunts!