Do Not Waste $600 on Rings That Let You Feel Your Partner’s Heartbeat

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Long-distance relationships are hard. Being far away from your significant other for an extended period of time is not fun. (If that is fun for you, you might want to consider, you know, getting out of your relationship.) But even if I spent eight months of the year in Moscow while my partner lived in Topeka, I can’t think of any good reason to spend money on a set of tech-enabled rings that allow you to feel the other person’s heartbeat.

The Touch’s HB ring works by connecting through an app on your phone, which then allows you to link the two rings even when you’re not together. Then whenever you want to check in, you just tap a button on the ring that will trigger your partner’s ring to send pulse data to your device. (That is assuming your partner’s ring is on, charged, and connected to a phone that is also on and charged. Otherwise, things get pretty morbid in a hurry.) Aesthetically, the rings are kind of cool looking, with a thick, black exterior band that lights up with a thin red line while it pulses to your significant other’s heart rate. The devices come in two color schemes: black stainless steel ($600 for a set) and rose gold ($3,000 a set). You’ll get about 14 hours of active battery time before needing to recharge the ring.

But even if you are “Scrooge McDuck diving into a pool of money”-level wealthy, it just seems like there are better ways to spend $600, or even several thousand dollars, that might be more beneficial to your relationship. Like a plane ticket. Or a new iPhone. Or some stamps. Or really anything other than these rings.