Amazon’s Audio CAPTCHAs Are the Scariest Things on the Internet

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You know how, when you need to prove you’re a human — instead of a robot — you sometimes have to complete a short exercise involving numbers or photos, called a CAPTCHA? (My personal favorites are the ones where you are shown nine pictures and asked to identify the pizza. I am very good at this.) And you know how there are also audio versions of these, for the visually impaired?

On Amazon, it turns out the audio CAPTCHAs come with the added bonus of being recorded in actual Hell. “Please type the numbers you hear,” begins the automated voice before the horrors begin, which include television static, a creepy child laughing, a dead phone line, and something that sounds suspiciously like Lord Voldemort speaking Parseltongue.

Kudos to anybody who could actually focus on the numbers being read in this CAPTCHA, which are, you know, the whole point of a CAPTCHA. I was too busy worrying that something was going to crawl out of my computer screen and kill me.